Good morning (pant) Uganda. Sleek here. Did you (pant) walk to work? (pant) Did you? (pant). I didn’t. My housemate has one of those oil guzzlers from outside countries that he uses to get from place to place without his feet ever touching the ground. So this morning I got a lift from him. On the way, the scribe in me caught this:
So you think you can walk eh?
I was dropped off a few meters from where I work. And people seemed to be walking without a care in the world. Smiling. Whistling even. Who does that? They didn’t know what I did. So I run. You cannot take any chances after seeing what I’ve seen.
The other legends are not here yet so it is my fairly safe assumption that they are walking here. They’ll give their sweaty reviews when they finally arrive. Stay tuned.
Baz here. I’m not walking to work. I’m nowhere near work. I’m actually at home at quarter to ten watching the show on TV. This news reader. Her accent isn’t working either.
Besigye is on a trench surrounded by cops and noisy boys shouting anyone Sevo slogans.
The newsreader just said other politicians had came to join the protest. I’m going to protest that by buying a half tank.
Erique representing. But not in a good way. I walked to this shop down here to buy bans for breakfast and I could swear I heard this policeman scream “Put your legs up where I can see them!” It was traumatizing, man. Luckily, the way I walk is not very deadly so he didn’t pay much attention.
Those who walk suspiciously like they are planning to assassinate the president with their feet, you better learn how to crawl. Anything to do with legs is strictly prohibited. Even if you’re walklessly seated somewhere in a restaurant, do not foot the bill.
I was tasked with collecting photographs of the drama as it unfolded using my (and since this is live and unedited, I can sneak in a free plug) Huawei Ideos u8150 Android Phone now available from MTN. For more detail, friend me on facebook and get a full review.
These are the dramatic photos of the astounding events that have been unfolding in Kampala today.
Traffic was extremely light on the way to work today. It was as if Christmas. The lack of jams on the way made me think that maybe people actually did park their cars and walk to work. Or maybe it was just because I was too scared to leave home until after ten and that’s why I was driving through empty streets.
In any case, much as I realise the importance of this cause, I am sorry. I’m sorry common man, but today I have half a tank and I’m going to buy my girl dinner at Soho. Food and fuel prices are not too high for me. I’m rich. Otherwise, good luck, but don’t protest too much, or we will repress you even further.
I’ve just been talking to Angella from Orange Customer Care and she reports seeing Besigye on TV wearing “swimming glasses”. Don’t ask me what she meant. Buy an Orange SIM card, dial 100 and ask her yourself.
Other reports tell us people in Kasangati, Bwaise and Wandegeya be walking furiously.
Here are some songs to rock to as you walk Kayihura nuts.
- Run by Snow Patrol
- Walk This Way by Aerosmith
- Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson
- Easier To Run by Linkin Park
- Walk On by U2
- Be Worried If Your Baby Learns To Walk by Gangsta Mununuzi
On the internets, some of you (most of you actually) have boring status updates so I’ll pick out the as if nice ones:
Johnnie Ns Papa
“MP Odonga Otto is such a ninja. 2 out of 2 successful walks to work. A true Lumumbist.”
Bwesigye Friday Brian
“Entebbe road is the highway that connects the international airport to the city, it is CLOSED!”
Someone says this Brian dude is faster than tweets so you can send a friend request if you want to be updated about things before they even happen.
Besigye has been shot in the arm and has been sent to Mulago. This is all the proof we need that the police is working for the opposition.
Or maybe this is a conspiracy by the people who sell dry rations and emergency food supplies. The prices of regular food commodities have risen, but there has not been an increase in demand for lamps, batteries, powdered milk and canned foods, and all those things people will need when the entire fucking city is up in flames due to mad riots. If this day had gone off peacefully, they would have nothing to gain. So they had to move. It’s a conspiracy by Nido!
But where’s Otunnu?
Okay. I think shit officially just got real. I don’t know why I just got spam email from Club T1 telling me about Easter Weekend bash when shit just officially got real. You guys, we are going to have street riots and they are not going to stop until Besigye supporters have overthrown the government of Museveni. Whether this is a good thing or not depends on how fond you are of the idea of not being able to go to Cineplex for at least a month because the whole of Kampala road is full of rioters. Some of you will think it’s worth the price you pay for FREEEDOM!
Me, I really wanted to watch Rango.
When I grow up I want to be Kayihura’s ass so that I itch him whenever he’s talking.
And Sevo should also be walking with us. MPs went to State House on visitation day and gave him only 24 billion shillings as pocket money for swearing in. Poor guy! That only facilitates him up to “I swe”. Now where’s the money for the remaining “ar” going to come from?
Bazanye Kko Nze:
According to political experts I have just spoken to (which means, any random person passing by because during times like these everyone becomes a political expert) we are probably going into a Tunisa situation. Nationwide riots and running street battles and daily teargas for at least the next three weeks, culminating in a new government. In short, kiss your asses goodbye.
The advice, therefore, is that you stock up on dry rations and essential produce so that you can survive now that the cities of this country are too busy being burnt to a crisp to provide you with a livelihood.
You need to get to the shops and buy essential commodities. By which I mean, of course, stock up on…