Category Archives: Live Thangs

Legendary take-over of Saturday Night Mix Show on Radio City

DAY ONE: 08:00 PM
SLEEK: So this is us in the studio with Mister Deejay…some guy has just called in and said he likes Mister Deejay. (PAUSE!!!).

STREETSIDER: Yo! Sleek!!  you forgot the part where he said he was a mummy’s boy… doesn’t this guy know we make our paper peddling disses?

SLEEK: Clearly he doesn’t! And have you seen the specs  Mr DJ  is wearing? Do they still make those?

IVAN: Hmmm!! Allow me…

Mr Dj museezi!!!

 

STREETSIDER: wooooo!!! bad man Erique inna di building!! Speak to the congregation.

IVAN: This has got to be the most Testosterone heavy edition of the show… no wait, I take that back, Keko just walked in… no, she just swaggered in, saving me from an argument with the only other lady in here. But that’s a story for some other time. Crap, Keko’s leaving. This business of being in and out just like that…

Keko on SNMS

"pshhh, these lyrics ain't got nuthin on me"

…and now another lady waltzes in, messing up my declaration from before. It was actually clever when I’d said it… Sod it, Baz, over to you…

STREETSIDER: Meanwhile, Baz, first explain that suit… Did the secretary tell you we were going to be on RadioCity TV?

BAZ: How yorl doon? I don’t know what these guys have been saying because I was rushing to get here on time. RadioCity has a takeaway downstairs that has no microwave. I shall repeat that in my radio accent. Cord sausarges, yorl.

MR DJ: hATER!!!!!!!!!

BAZ: For the benefit of the viewers, I am in a suit. Hashtag Barney Stinson. It’s how I dress on the weekend. Okay, I knew I was going to find Keko here and I didn’t want to embarass myself.

 

LEGENDARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SLEEK: Go to the top of the post and click to listen to the show live.

ERIQUE: Oh wait, it wasn’t a bottle. Just a silly pile of non-alcoholic CDs. Probably Zari’s music going to be taken to church tomorrow morning for anointing.

STREETSIDER: I wish  I had your gift for seeing visions. i would use it to figure out why Cleo first ate a bowl of Vaseline before doing that last video of hers…

 SLEEK: wow!!!!

STREETSIDER: I have been a hater from birth. I hate on everything… except LMFAO.. I leave that to Baz.

IVAN: Now playing; Kanye and Beyonce’s husband. Elsewhere, Baz maintains that he really didn’t know that Radio City was NOT a TV station in a bid to explain his current choice of wardrobe. I’m looking around for a charger so I can SMS my high school teacher and shove this in his face, ” ha! look at me now! Mbu I won’t amount to much, the country’s listening to me, how do you understand me… then again the same country is watching Zari’s show….

Just realised we didn’t take pix with Keko, how on earth will people believe her when she says she was with the legends. dumb Ivan, dumb, dumb, dumb!!!!

SLEEK: So Mister Deejay is playing a Beyonce song and energetically bobbing his head to it…(cough).

Mister Deejay

Live mixing..how do you understand him eh?

ERIQUE: Ivan is crouched on the floor praying. Halleluyah. He wants the legs of the chick he’s looking at to go to heaven.

IVAN: Dude, I’m praying with my eyes closed. I don’t know what  you’re talking abou… oh… that  *proceeds to upgrade from prayer mode to Fasting mode”. Turns out we are going to sing at some point… what are we, a boy band?

STREETSIDER: I hear Mr Dj just went from helicopter to mosquito because they are both … FLYYYYYY…

ERIQUE: Man dont jazz that stuff, mosquitoes cause malaria. And I think helicopters do too.

IVAN: Baz just revealed that he’d rather do be Kim Kardashian over Nicki Minaj… Erique wants to launch a new “NEKKID to Work” movement… Sleek says he’d like to eat Roach and Streetsider reveals that he actually caught his parents doin’ … IT… and says he’d rather they caught him getting it on so he could even the score…Darlyne says penises are weird. Mr. DeeJay says he gives his er, ‘dongle’ the once over every so often…

Mister Deejay: 

You know wharriris!!

 

BAZ: There has been a poll on air about penises. If you are listening and you are below the age of consent you heard that wrong. Your radio is busted. They said PEANUTS. PEANUTS. Get your mind out of the gutter.

IVAN: Where ‘mind’ means head and ‘gutter’ means…

………………………..

MR DJ: Other stations on a Saturday night….

slow jaaaam... (snooze)

 

SNMS on a saturday night….

BUSS IT!!!!

IVAN: Meanwhile… not too far away

Are you thinking what I'm thinking....

okumanya we are not created equal, for-us we can nont sweya on air, but Jay Z can… kyoka!

and now, a brief interlude…

“If you’re in a good relationship, the sex is good” – Baz

“hahaha” – #Uganda

 

BAZ: Hey, does anyone know what’s going down at Simba FM? Who are the studio guests there? Har har har! Just kidding. I love Straka.

 

DARLYNE: You should love Straka, without her you guys would be left with only Zari. I am hijacking this live blog to give ULK the much needed estrogen it is missing and conclusively state that all chicken is better than most penises.

IVAN: So we’ve been tasked with compiling top 10 reasons why you should date a legend… pssssh

John Legend power hour innadi house….oh wait, Mister Deejay, his indecisive twin, changed the power hour to Lauryn Hill.

DAY TWO: 01:00 AM

…And we are out!!!!

 

Live Report: Legends & The Sanyu FM Lounge

Wednesday November 2, 2011

10: 20AM: Sleek innadihouse, giving you information on what is going on on Radio Sanyu right now now. Real-time.  Streetsider is in the studio, on The Lounge, talking to Em.

Em: So, mehn, you man, tellyasi about yowaselef?

(I think my radio batteries are low)

Streetsider: (stammer)

ED: The guy stammered a bit. AC does that to him.

Em’s teasing him about his newly-acquired stutter. She’s also asking him what he had for breakfast. She says  she offered him the juice…what else did she offer him eh? Some grass? They’ve now gone into a commercial break.

“What is the point of being serious? Life is short.”- Streetsider on Sanyu FM 10:22am.

“He has told them he is called the Streetsider, we are waiting to hear his real name..” Em

Em: How many bloggers are there on Urban Legend Kampala?

Streetsider: Legends…how many legends…

Em wants to know how much it is to attend the party on Friday. Streetsider says it is free; we are celebrating our birthday…mbu asking people to pay to come for your birthday is “some straka stuff”.

Em: So Streetsider, have you ever been in love?

Streetsider: (removed by ED)

Em: So have you ever had your heart broken?

Streetsider: (breaking down into tears. Removed by ED)

Em: And are you in a relationship?

(ED:  Em seems to be enjoying Streetsider’s discomfort)

Em: Tell us about the other legends…

Streetsider: (snitching) There is Me…I’m the dark guy…the guy with the dark side…then there is Erique, he is psycho…there is Ernest….the one with a head fixed on rather loosely…Sleek is the smooth and suave one…there is Ivan…the one who knows how to have a good time…tell a good joke…

Em: Do you enjoy working with them?

Streetsider: I do, but we  can’t have a sensible meeting…they just be laughing….

Em then asks Streets to send some shout-outs. Streets hollas at all ULK fans, and goes on to mention all your names. You should have listened in, you’d have heard your name. He then somersaults out of the studio.

Thursday November 3, 2011

10: 18AM: Erique here supplying you with the downlow on what Sleek and Em are doing on air today. I see Em smiling at the jokes Sleek is about to hit her with, now she’s laughing, she’s cracking up…and it’s a gooooooooaaaaaaaalllllll!!! SLEEK IS BLUSHING! He’s laughing with an accent even. Harrharrharrrrrrr…

10: 20AM: No I can’t see them, dwanzie. My radio lights red. That’s how I know dude is blushing. And it heats up. That’s how I know Em is smiling.

10.22AM: Sleek was asked to comment about a Kenyan song. Gay! That was for the soccer match you made us lose you goons. But I don’t hate you fully. You’re my neighbours so I’ll spare just a half kilo of like for you. Can I be your friend on Facebook?

10.25AM: Oooohhhhh hear! Sleek started using the accent. Trying to match up with Em, I think. The pressure is oooooon!

10.26AM: Sleek nti we have male dancers at the party.

10.28AM: A caller just called (duh!) to win a ticket…and failed! Because he doesn’t know the damn party he wants to attend. Bladefoo! Oh wait, I understand. The belly dancers. Okay. Forgiven. I unbladefoo you.

10.30AM: Roger just called in to also win a ticket…and he…failed?! Nti he had no kara to listen to the show. But he has kara to win the ticket.

Jyeah! Someone won! Now that’s proper coolness. I’m growing up to be like him. Matter of fact let me go and grow now.

Friday November 4, 2011

Sleek here. I went, I yapped on air as Erique said in this post, now I’m behind the keyboard. Baz is behind the mic this time. The Legends don’t seem cut out for radio…

11:00AM: (static…gurgling sounds in the background)

11:03AM: Baz spent the first three minutes of the show talking into his ka-torchi phone saying “Is this thing on?”

Finally, Em somersaulted to where he was and shoved it in his mouth…the mic that is. Excited at the sound of his voice, Baz then said “Baz innadihouse on-the-ones-and-threes. Mic check mic check one two

(pleasantries exchanged. Then Em reads the day’s relationship problem. See it here.  Click.)

Em: So Baz, what would you advise this lady?

Baz:  This lady’s problem is scary…lady with a problem,  if your man’s too tired to perform in the evening, he should pay his dues in the morning…

Em: (light bulb!! The room becomes too bright even)

Baz: (unfazed by the light) We need to ask ourselves why the man is not performing. He may fail to perform because he has worms. Empathize.  Or he may have stomach problems and fears to fart while getting jiggy. Buy him tabs…

11:46AM:

(Kyamuzi has called in and wants to win the tickets. But he doesn’t know what the tickets are for.

Isaac then calls in and also wants the tickets. But he doesn’t know who the party is for

Juma Mukiibi calls in to win the tickets…he says Urban Legend is a group of musicians

Kim also calls in and wants to win the tickets…that they are for a show at Boda Boda…that some people are launching a magazine

11:52AM: (Nathan finally calls and wins the tickets.)

Sometimes fellow country men make writing funny things very easy. There are actually people out there who call into stations to win tickets to stuff they have no idea about? I blame it on the fuel prices.  People can’t drive to work so they stay home and make random calls to stations.