Category Archives: Reviews

Who Or What Is An LK For?

prince-akeem-300x176

 

Who Or What Is LK 4?

Not who you think. You thought he was just some miscellaneous nigga there who saw the chance at free room and board in a luxury resort in outside countries for three months during which all he had to do was try to copulate with African women and drink heavily? But wait, my friend. There is more to LK4 than his three balls.

He has three testicles?

No, that is just a fancy way of saying somebody is a sports player. We say they have three balls. Lugudde has two testicles and one basketball. Or at least we assume there are two testicles. We DMd Zari to ask but she isn’t responding

 

ULKampala  @Zarithebosslady Hey Zari, hi. How many testes does LK4 have? #justasking

 

So what else is there to him, besides the nutsack?

It was revealed just before he left the Big Brother House, that Ivan Lugudde Katwe is actually a royal, a prince.

You mean like Akeem?

Worse, because he is, it is reported, second in line to the throne.

Mbu Second in line to rule? How come Sejusa never warned us about him?

Maybe it’s not the throne of Uganda per se. Maybe he is second in line to the throne of like a part of  Kisaasi.

Are you sure he wasn’t just drunk and talking shit? You know how these bakopi like getting drunk and talking shit.

Possibly. Because he also mentioned that his mum had 17 cars

But she kind of does. I mean if you assume he forgot to mention the words “former” and “Sugar” in that sentence.

What else was he up to in the Big Brother House?

Well, as we saw in the job description, trying to shag Africans from other countries.

Did he manage?

We understand that there was a South African called Cholesterol who was poised to give him some but then they both got evicted.

What? They dare evict the Prince? His Royal Supreme Highness Lugudde Katwe IV?

You’ve got the “highness” part right. I mean, how much do you have to drink to go on tv and tell the whole of Africa that you are the fucking prince of Uganda?

 

 

 

SNLV: Movies for the weekend

Gangster Squad
Starring Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling’s shirt, Old Fashioned Guns,

Gangstersquadforeign

So Ryan Gosling’ shirt was on the whole time. Which probably means women demanded refunds. I assume that the only value Ryan Gosling has to Hollywood is this softcore porny appeal he has to women. This may be an objective and thoroughly-considered critique of his acting talent, or it may be nuggu.

This movie is set in Los Angeles, where many crimes take place. But this was before NCIS, CTU and all those bloods and crips we hear about in Nipsey Russel songs. This was in the 1940s, a time when all the men wore shirts all the time.

So Sean Penn was there and he was as if a  badass one who runs all the city’s crime. Gambling, hookers, drugs, everything. He wants to expand his criminal empire to include theft of Ryan Gosling’s shirts but that is the last straw. Josh Brolin is recruited to put together a squad of cops who will operate outside the law. Generally to fuck Penn’s shit up without having to worry about due process. They can go into the brothel and just shoot everything. They can hijack his drug vans. Whatever.

Now, is this a good movie? Me I dozed, I swear. It would have been better if they were not in 1940s and had better fight scenes and better guns and maybe Jet Li. And if Straight Outta Compton was the soundtrack.

 

 

The Last Stand

Starring Swaziniga, Guns, Wrinkles, Flab, The inexorable march of time,


last stand

Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is a parody of what he used to be, does not seem to realize it. The guy has gone back mbu to be an action star.

But one things Arnold Schwarzenneger should realize is that he was never that good in the first place. So he had all this violent extravaganza of special effects happening around him to make people enjoy his movies, but nowadays we have plenty of the same thing without him. Hell, even Shia Labouf managed to hold down an action movie.

He has nothing to say. I’ll be back? Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That.

I just want you to know that if you see me watching The Last Stand take my eyes and give them Kiboko. I am not going to watch this thing. EVER. It sounds as sucky as it is going to be.

 

Stand Up Guys

Starring Walken, Pacino and Awesomeness

 

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Christopher Walken and Al Pacino get to walk around acting at each other and oh gosh I loved this movie. They talked and quipped and one of them was an amoral manchild jerk, the other was the ka-wololo who follows his friend around  and they did it in a way that had such charm I almost wished I had paid for a ticket.

Okay, synopsis. Pacino is released from jail after serving 28 years. He took the rap for a crime him and Walken were involved in back when they were—well, not young, just not as extremely old as they are now. And they look like lizards in this film. Jurassic Park. So Pacino comes back and finds his buddy waiting for him.

But there is a twist. At the beginning of the film,moreover. There is  a hit on Pacino and Walken has to be the one to take him out.

Now, instead of a film of people running around trying to catch each other and shoot each other and do like Bourne and Bond, because this is Pacino and Walken, they don’t run. They act. They emote. They say cool things to each other. And it is brilliant. Just watch the thing and thank me later.

(Oh, Alan Arkin is also in there somewhere.)

 

 

 

Top Ten: What I Hope To See At The Zone 7 Back2School Parrey!!

For several years now, the zone 7 back to school party has been a staple of my calendar.

I can only speak for myself of course and the voices in my head. The distinguished ladies and gentlemen at the back of my cranium have agreed that the on Friday, Back to School shall be attended without fear or favor.

Keep an eye out for the dude dressed as a dude dressed as a pipette from the Chem. Lab.

Glorious visions of sweaty rub-a-dubs with the cross eyed school nurse (Ha Ha! finally she allowed my advances!!) are already making me drool, so before I lose it completely, let me first present the top ten things that I am looking forward to seeing at the 2013 Zone 7 Back to school Parrey.

Presented in no particular order and with no regard whatsoever to common-sense … and eh… man… just read.

1. A thief. We need to catch a thief. And beat him so badly he will go and tell other thieves that certain working class twenty-somethings still haven’t lost their touch.

2. Food-fight. At some point during the mbocha and lining up and generally around that time we need lights to go out and for the backup generator to black out for a few minutes. Mayhem will reign as it always does and when the power comes back on, a lot of people will have released their stress and maybe (if Jesus loves us) a couple of girls wearing nothing but maize porridge, will be making out next to the bushes.

3. A brightly painted lawn gnome packed to the eyeballs with Ecstasy and somewhere during the course of the party, a baseball bat.

 

Naawe, I am shy!

Naawe, I am shy!

 

4. Kiboks, hot ones. Someone should cane the Senior Teacher. And make him pick rubbish even. If there is no Senior Teacher first order of business should be to choose one.

5. An exam, at least a test or quiz, on the St Lawrence Seaway. Not even simanyi Saskatchewan simanyi Prairies what… Just the Seaway. Anyone who gets above twenty percent gets free hardcorn.

6. The Saida Kaloli remix… Has… to Be Played… At least… Twice.

7. A kakarabanda complete with bones and high heeled shoes (meanwhile what was up with that) in a drug induced stupor, partying like its 2013. Then leaving with the Mama of the YCS fellowship for destinations and tongues unknown.

8. A stall run by the Association of Disgruntled High School Photographers. Auctioning to the highest bidder, all the sosh/prom snaps you refused to buy because you were too cheap (and un-photogenic). I f I am not mistaken, there is a killing to be made here. Literally.

9. Jabba. A lot of Jabba.

10. Mandatory morning prep and muchaka muchaka for those who are still around at five am, especially if they look clueless and overweight.

 

The Hostel III: The Dark Odoch Rises

 

First of all we would like to welcome everybody back to the Hostel. We are glad you could make it to the new semester and it is our sincere hope that everybody works hard, focuses on success and we hope everybody learns to get along and that we find a way to put aside our differences and learn to live together in … WAPI! We hope that we have more fights, more kavuyo, more bitchy backstabbing and snaking and foxing and all sorts of mayhem. In fact we hope that we see that kung fu guy from Captain Alex making a cameo this season.

Not to be confused with.

In case you still haven’t figured out that the Hostel, Uganda’s greatest freaking TV show ever since CRT and Plasma Screens every saw your eyes and said “watch this” is back.

Some of us have watched the first few episodes on you.

Annete is back:  Last season she was abruptly whisked away. The explanation was flimsy. We thought she had been fired. Well, looks like someone renegotiated her contract.

Twine is not back: That nigga gone. The story is that his character was abducted by hooligans at the behest of Martha, who in that one move, became the evilest heifer in New Edge, beating out both Patra and Jesca in one stroke.

Martha is not back: Which sucks. She was cute. Maybe the Hostel wardrobe department could not afford to keep buying wigs at her rate.

Everybody wears a weave/wig this season: Last night we did a headcount (heh heh. Geddit? Headcount) and found that this was true. Even the extras. They can surely afford to bring Wiggy Smalls back. They have the budget.

Arach is back: And she is now Odoch woman. Not Odoch’s woman. Odoch woman.

Hope is (gasp!) with child!: She is so small, how did a pregnancy fit inside her? But there it is, the mystery of the season. Not as in who the father is or how anyone got sister Hope to give it up, but, well,  the mystery is how you can be in a hostel with people and they fail to notice that your uterus is bulging a whole foot forward all the time and make the obvious conclusion.

McConnor is back: And so is the Mohawk.

Odoch is funny: Heh heh.

Now you are up to speed, let us talk about what we expect to see this season:

 

Violence: Annete has already slapped a guy, but we want more. We hope some kung fu, Muay thai, iron fist shit. Or grenades.

Sex scene: I know the  makers of the show don’t want to be seen to be promoting immoral behavior, but then there is an easy way around this—just claim that you are showing the immoral behavior so that society can be warned of the dangers. That’s what I always do.

Martha’s hair: We are dying to know!

A classroom: Nah. Really, if these kids flunk everything and retake everything it doesn’t even matter.

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What Goes Up…Stock Exchange Party

Look, on paper it seems harmless. It’s the stock exchange, what could possibly go wrong? I’ll tell you what; it could crash. Any one with a semblance of sense should be able to figure that out. Which might be why the crowds came pouring in, one by one, lambs to the proverbial slaughter, each and everyone of us.

 

The beginning of the end

To the uninitiated, the Stock Exchange Party {the first one in Uganda held this Friday past} essentially operates in much the same way you’d expect Stocks to work, prices go up, then come down, then stabilize. Not necessarily in that order.

Get down… like the prices, get down I said!

In this case, all eyes were on the price of liquor, which was a real shame given the numbers of skirts that had been traded in for handkerchiefs and cloth based belts.

There’s a certain irony to be observed when people are in a bar, sans inebriation, screaming out, BUY, BUY, BUY….I don’t know how it works, but the next time a company floats its shares, it would benefit greatly from introducing the masses to a little bit of liquor.

 

Girls just wanna have fun, guys just wanna have booze

Hardly surprising was the fact that people seized the moment and hoarded. My guilt slapped me in the face a couple of times and asked me to look in front of me. Sure enough, some forward looking chap had decided to keep a crate for later.

Careful, he might take, he might take gwe nne munno

As I continued to take this in, I was accosted by a mate who insisted on buying me a crate…the rest of the night came in drips and drabs. Tequila shots at 1k, Beer at 1k. The Mith, Navio, JB… those ones had no price tag attached, I think…. It’s a little foggy, but a picture doth speak a thousand words, right?

Wait, Tonix was there? Hi Tonix

 

Monday Massacres: I Goat The Power

So you are one of those sexy, sexy people who spent the weekend watching goats sweat it out for the accolade of sturdiest, fastest goat in the world. For you, dear reader, who wasn’t part of all the goat race fun, no worries, I goat this Meh.n. Ok I don’t got this. I didn’t go either. But here are a few things to ponder from the goat race.

How do you get your goat that’s going to compete to the venue?

Do you strap it in the passenger seat next to you and drive to the race?

OR Do you throw it in the backseat? (The same backseat your first born was conceived?)

OR Do you throw it in the boot? (Won’t this dampen its spirit and get in the way of it putting up a resounding performance? Goats have self-esteem too you know. I think)

If you strap it into the passenger seat next to you, what are good topics of conversation? Scratch that, more importantly, how do you stop it from shitting all-over the place?

Do the goats stretch before a race? Like little back and forth warm-up stuffs. Like the goat-equivalent of press-ups

Does it help if your goat is from Kenya? Or Kapchorwa? Do goats from the hills perform better?

Since goats are vegetarian and all, are there any rules against feeding your goat marijuana before a race?

I no eat reefer. Swear

Are there drug tests? Like do they prick the goats to find out which of them is a prick?

As the goat approaches the finish line, does it stick out its head to ensure victory?

Is there a current world record holder for goats 100m? (Or whatever distance they hoof).

How does the winning goat celebrate?

More so, the goat that comes in last (or the one that wanders off the track and sniffs at people’s privates), is it served at dinner? Or is it sent to Abdu Jabal for whole goat?

Goat Milk

Goat Milk?

Also, check out our Dojo for cool ULK stuffs:

http://urbanlegendkampala.com/ulk-dojo/

Last Chance to Post About Big Brother

Big Brother is coming to an end. We don’t want you to be completely green about what is happening so we have compiled an unreliable guide to the events that led to this finale, and a line up of the important figures.

 

The Big Brother Stargame

Modeled on Arkham Asylum, the Big Brother Stargame is all about placing social misfits together under camera surveillance and carrying out psychological experiments on them.

Upville/Downville

The Asylum, also known as the “house” or the “set” is divided into two regions. Upville is for the villains, and Downville is for the hoodlums, who are less intelligent.

Lady Mayday

As you can tell automatically from the name, she is the official designated house stripper.

 

Of coruse it's a ho name. May Lay

 

Talia

Lwaki? Mu ffumbiro temuli mmele? Agende alye.

Janneetttee

The honourable MP for Ruhama has helped galvanise the movement party against the opposition in the house of parliament. We say this because she is more powerful than all other Janets in all other houses.

Pressle

An annoying Kenyan who records weak rap music.  He has survived “eviction” thinking it is because Africa wants him to win. Actually, it is because Kenyans don’t want him to go back.

Kenyans show support for Pressle

 

Shanita

A former prostitute was convicted for fraud and sentenced to four years incarceration after charges brought by her ex-lover.

Kushaba Kairo

A Ugandan chap the way you see Ugandan chaps. At this point I shall quote a statement from our twitter department:

 Big Brother Africa UG representative Kyle, if you want to stay alive, don’t win. People will hug you, shake your hands & give you Ebola.

 

Now that you are up to date, don’t forget to join the rest of Africa on Sunday for the finale of the thrilling Big Brother Africa Stargame which we just described. Thank you.

Tusker Project Fame 5 Recap: Aka Sucker Punch the Musical

The first concert show from Tusker Project Fame season five took place on Sunday with everybody sounding bad. We are going to put this down to what expert music professionals call “acoustics” and not take the easier assumption that it was due to what the rest of us call “sucking”. Because to be frank, we know at least some of these kids have skills.

Nancy came on wearing the chasis from the Iron Man Mach 8 and got her voice’s ass kicked by the acoustics (still being charitable) and Juliana thought it was omg and she loved it. “I think you’re ready,” said the veteran star who has ten years’ experience in performing to adoring fans, churning out hits, winning awards and acclaim (And this is not counting the years before Taata W’abaana).

She looked as if like this. Sweya

Ian was next. We respect Ian. We presume he has some amount of arts cred. He is a stage actor I think. I mean, he has not experienced as much of the limelight, he has not seen as much of the inside of the pop stardom world as Juliana has, but we give him his due respect.

He said, “Lol, wtf! That I hear ready. Ready? Ready my big black Kikuyu donkey in Mathare i.e. my ass. You are not ready. Juliana prolly been burning that nylon weave of hers and sniffing the fumes, I swear. You are not ready!”

Ian. Ian.

Ian.

Anyway…

Doreen, the Purple Diva who got into the house with her spangled up guitar and her India.Arie vibe came on and sang something that was not neosoul. She had no guitar. She was not being Purple Diva. I guess Project Fame wants to make all-rounders, but for those of us who are not interested in seeing India.Arie sing Party In The U.S.A. we passed.

Our Ugandan chick came on. (Or since she is a Ugandan, and Ugandans prefer to spell that word wrong, I should say, our Ugandan “chic”). Her name is Sharon. She tried to sing Chandiru’s Gold Digger. And did not manage. All that jumping around left her breathless and it was all she could do to pant, “I give you  my hurrrrrrrr.” The ka-axa banange. I think she said  “I give you my girders, baybe.”

A chick puts chic makeup on her cheek

Mich asked her, “If you don’t dig for gold, what do you dig for? Har har har.”

Mich was astonishingly stale this week. He was gobsmackingly, flat-bottomed 100kg steel anvil falling from the top of a cliff to land smack onto of your gob stale.

When Hotness sang (Hotness’ name, we discovered now that we were paying attention, is Samantha. She’s the fine one from Burundi.) When Samantha sang her song it had, in its refrain, a word that sounds like “Ndoota”.

“What does it mean?” Mich asked, bounding over to leer and slobber and drool and sleaze his grinny perviness from close range.

“Dream.” She answered. One word just.

“I like it when people sing about me,” Mich said.

Now, that’s the problem right there. You cannot jokingly pretend to be so vain that when you hear a song called “Dream” you assume it is about you when you actually are so vain that we think you actually believe that shit.

I mean, if Msechu had said that it would have been funny. I would have laughed my ass off.

Well, there was a moment of mirth that came out of that moment though, when Ian said this about Samantha: “You are one of the contestants I can see growing.”

Samantha is like four feet tall.

Rotflmao.

Hey, Joseph. Joseph. I mean as in growing cos she’s small she can grow tall. You see? That growing. I can see her growing. Taller. You get now, eh? I can continue? Good.

Excuse Joseph. He gets lost.

Now, I don’t quite remember who went on probation because, as I have said, everybody was sounding funneh (You know the acoustics, banange, these acoustics!) Samantha wasn’t on probation, that’s for sure but.. this just in, Ugandan Sharon is on probation, so if you love your country Uganda, uphold thee it by voting to airtime companies.

I am keeping a special phone until Mich is up on probation then I’m going to vote him out. I will burn the simcard after.

 

On standby. Just wait.

Tusker Project Fame: Hair-raising Recap

Young Africans who have a dream. Young Africans who have the courage to chase that dream. Young Africans who have the strengh to take that first step on the journey to making that dream a reality. Young Africans who have the guts to go out there and give it their best shot.

But some of the Young Africans have no talent. So they go, they suck and we laugh at them and send them back home.

The rest who try kko, we bring to a lavish circle stage in the centre of Nairobi, Kenya to compete in the deathmatch of music that has come to be called Tusker Project Fame.

 

Let the games begin.

The final round started this weekend, after we had sent back the wack wannabes who had been decieved by those they thought were their friends into thinking that auditioning would not be a waste of their time and pride.

“You should audition. You can totally win. You even look like Brandy.”

Chick looked like Brandy but sounded like Brandy’s goat.

Anyway, here we were in Kenya, the best country in the whole of East Africa, to welcome the contestants.

Things started on a low note with MC Mich being the MC. Mich’s approach to humour these days is not to simply say funny and witty things to you. No, it is more aggressive, more in-your-face, more what they call “wacky” when what they mean by wacky is “obnoxious”.

The only respite is in the fact that he likes to show off the fact that he can speak French, so when he is talking to Rwandan contestants you don’t understand what he’s saying so you are not as annoyed.

J'ai des photos nues des gens qui embauchent des MCs

We have contestants from Rwanda and South Sudan as well as the more commonly accepted East African Countries of Kenya, Tz and Uganda. We also have Burundians, which was great news for two reasons.

One reason is that it was just heartwarming to see that people from Burundi actually existed. I mean, I had never actually met a Burundian. I had heard of their country and I had seen it on the map but I had never come across any evidence that it was populated. We all assume that Burundi has people in it, but up until Sunday, that was just an assumption.

The second reason was Hotness. A tiny — what in Lunyaburundi is called petite– chick who is gorgeous.

Uganda was represented as usual, by local people. It’s how we be. The first one we saw ran into the house and squealed, “Oooor Am so heppy! Am in safe hends!”

We thought faking an American accent was local #brianmakensi #rabbinkisti #ladybezo but this was the first time we had seen someone fake a South African one.

The other Ugandan was Brian Luzinda.

Brian Luzinda’s salient characteristic was his hairstyle. It looked like Jonah Lomu and Golola Moses had attempted to headbutt each other and then both missed and hit him instead. He said it was called the Snakey B. Yeah. It is probably called What Happens If The Barber Is Watching Beautiful But Unlucky While Cutting Your Hair And Then Forgets To Refuel The Generator.

For those who need help, this is Jonah Lomu

He sang So Sick by Neyo, not a good choice of song to do badly when there are hundreds of people waiting to tweet snarky comments. Everything from “I’m so sick of this song” to “You so suck at this song” was posted.
He was awful and was sent back to catch a bus.

Some singers were let in automatically. They are now in the Project Fame Academy, which is kind of like the Big Brother house, only with talent and entertainment value instead of drunken dryhumping, and the others had to sing for a chance to join them.

Brian Luzinda was rejected, as was the other ludicrous haircut of the evening, the one from the Tanzanian gentleman who performed in a woman’s excecutive power pantsuit. From the eighties. That he stole from someone half his size.

Murphy Brown’s trousers and double-breasted jacket did not distract us from the hairstyle that would still have looked outlandish if it had been left intact on the hyena it was stolen from.

He went back to Tz to find a Tanzanian who speaks English to explain to him what Judge Ian meant and the rest of us were left to wait for next week, when we expect to see Hotness and Purple Diva do their thing. I have already marked these two as the season’s stars.

But for those of you who think reality TV is about patriotism and nationalism, don’t be discouraged if the Ugandan contestants are local. Remember Nava Grey and Maureen Kabasiita were also kind of villagish when they were in the house. But chicks have skills. That’s what matters.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Big Brother Stargame: Eek! Flash! Kyle! Janette!

 

 

Ivan: Right, the Big Brother Stargame is on. I didn’t catch the launch show, partly because I don’t hold the kind of clout that encourages invitation cards to cross paths with my person, but also because it sort of made more sense to watch a superhero movie that didn’t meander for ages before that ‘anha’ moment. Why is he called Iron Man… oh, I see. Why is he called the Hulk… oh, right.

On the flip side I’d have to keep wincing whenever they’d introduce a star. Lookit, Prezzo! Someone in the crowd would likely nudge their neighbor and ask, “Why do they call him that?” The neighbor would probably look over and say, “Because, dammit, he is some sort of presidential figure.” The gods would have a laugh and Africa would die a little inside.

Uganda would be a little luckier though. If reports are to be believed, our reps have sufficiently basic names. Michael and Natasha. If Michael is sensible, he will steer clear of nicknames. No one here calls him Mickey. Natasha… well, last I heard she was supposed to sashay into the music industry. It would be nice to see whether she can do anything else in there.

 

 

Baz: Alas, it seemed Ivan was wrong. This is what happens when you mix kwete with Black Label. The Ugandan highlight of Big Brother Stargame was Flavia Tumusiime who appeared to those with HD flat screen TVs as a large pink giggling cloud of fabric, make up, hair piece and banter. “Flavia is going to be in the house?” we thought. “Now who is going to watch K-Files? What if Rabbin Kisti takes over K-Files? Rabin Kisti likes taking over people’s shows.”

Then Eek showed up and we learned that Flavia was merely the cohost of the show.

 

Also, she was wearing this very big pink garment that was so full of hip, it made Eek lose his capacity to talk sense. Oh, wait. That’s just Eek bulijjo. You tell him about sense and he replies, “What is sense? Is it a kind of food?”

Ivan:  Hang on, you can’t accuse me of being ill informed. My sources clearly stated that Michael and Natasha were going to be in the Big Brother house. The only time they’ve been wrong was when they claimed that giant clouds shaped like mushrooms were going to come and make the earth their bitch. With the exception of that Nibiru fiasco, everything else has been on point. Almost.

But I’m a reasonable guy, I’m willing to accept the possibility that they meant that Natasha Sinayobye’s next song was going to be called Big Bother.
But focus: Big Brother has launched and they’ve promised us a couple of twists. What do you reckon’s gonna happen?

Baz: The first twist that got me, cos I didn’t expect it at all, was that they would have a Ugandan housemate named Kyle. I never in my whole life of many many years believed that there was such a thing as a Ugandan named Kyle. Maybe Kalyango.

And wait. That kid looks a lot like Duncan Kushaba from Urban TV.

Ivan: Duncan? We have Ugandans called Duncan? It sounds like a preserve of our brothers next door.  Frankly, I was not surprised. I’ve found that Ugandans like to be daring and take on names that are TV friendly. Like say, Karitas or Straka. Really the same letters, just slightly tweaked. What? Am I the only one that noticed?

Baz: Meanwhile the chick, Jannette? She looks just like this chick called Janet.

Ivan: The one twist that’s going to keep me glued to my screen (My PC screen. I don’t have DSTV.  Kale if only the good people responsible would take a hint and share some of that goodness.) is this, Big Brother is IN FACT one of the contestants. Spying on them and laying traps. And then, instead of proper evictions, (s)he will just bump them off like one of those movies… What shall we be voting for? You ask? Beats me, I’m the guy that thinks Karitas and Straka have something in common.

Baz: Big Brother is going to attempt to kill the contestants one by one? Cool. Just like the other housemate chick in the other Big Brother. What was her name? The one who had the wild look in her eyes like she is talking to you but she is also hearing other voices giving her instructions. What was her name? The one who would be seen sneaking into people’s beds at night as if considering which one to stab first? What was her name? Maureen. Yes. Maureen..