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GAME OF THRONES IS BACK

By • Apr 22nd, 2016 • Category: Entertainment, Featured Post, Society

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The one true serie is back this Sunday. It’s been a long eight or so months where we have had to suffer through nonsense like Super girl and don’t get me started on Heroes reborn or X-files, some things should just stay buried. Let’s catchup with where we left the citizens of Westeros as they seek to sit on a throne which might cause tetanus if you do not sit on it properly or attempt to sit on it in the state of Nyanzi (naked).

Jon Snow.

Is he dead or not? The question to end all questions. Do not ask whether we are alone in this universe or the origin of life. Is Jon Snow dead or not? This is the defining question of our time, one that has perplexed presidents, scientists, philosophers and led to many tortured, sleepless nights. There are those who hope that he is still alive but all the trailers say he is dead, conclusively so and we all know how dark the hearts of those game of thrones creators are. So abandon all hope, it will save you a few tears when you learn that he actually is dead. Probably.

The greatest question of our time.

The greatest question of our time.

Tyrion Lannister.

We left Tyrion in Meeren where he had been appointed Special adviser to the Khaleesi. That didn’t last long however, the queen of dragons was ironically carried into captivity by her own dragon. So Tyrion is set to be care taker king which should be fun but we all know Game of Thrones doesn’t do fun unless you consider stabbing pregnant women in the belly uproarious. In this case, Tyrion should face a defiance campaign waged by the Sons of the Harpy and according to the trailer, apparently they have bombs. Tyrion maybe full of quips and glorious sarcasm but don’t mess with him either, his father can testify to that. Meanwhile that episode should appear on one thousand ways to die.

Daenerys Targaryen/ The khaleesi.

The khaleesi unfortunately did not read the manual on how to train your dragon or even watch the movie. The consequence being that, she is now in the hands of the Dothraki whose king she killed way back in season one before we knew she possessed equal amounts of crazy and ass-kicking. How does she get herself out of that pickle? I have several ideas but all include the Dothraki being fried like chicken.

shit!! this isnt good

shit!! this isn’t good

Queen Cersei.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. If any woman (or man for that matter) needs a few pointers on how to wage revenge, then Game of Thrones season 6 will give you the perfect lessons. After enduring the walk of shame to end all walks of shame, some heads are going to roll…literally. And since her brother/lover/rapist/kingslayer returned with one of their incestuous spawn dead, expect blood to follow. As Jaime explains to his sister/lover/cersei fierce/withering looks distributor, “we are the only ones who matter and everything they have taken from us, we are going to take back and more”. Let no man be on the wrong side of the Lannisters this season. Whether in the serie or watching from home, it won’t be pretty for either.

Go slow if you want your head still attached to your body

Go slow if you want your head still attached to your body

Sansa Stark.

Aaahh, the Starks. Like the biblical Israelites who were scattered across all corners of the earth, or in this case, the seven kingdoms. Sansa Stark was last seen jumping off a castle with a neutered Reek. I certainly hope that the jump put some sense into her; Sansa makes you think that she is on a different show, something like the Teletubbies where everyone sings nursery school rhymes and goes to sleep holding their teddy bears. She should start playing the game very soon or she is dead meat. This is the season where she either becomes a serious player or we say adieu.

Dead meat

Dead meat

The Night king.

We are going to see more of this icy dude which is definitely not good news for the citizens of Westeros. He can raise the dead, not the Christian resurrection, the Walking Dead resurrection but even faster. Whatever he has planned, it is definitely nasty but until then, you all know nothing.

Bringing the winter

Bringing the winter

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