In The News, This Week

By • Mar 25th, 2015 • Category: Newsworthy

Ever since this week yawned and woke up from its cold bed on Monday, it hasn’t gone back to sleep. It is an insomniac week. It needs its sleeping pills. However, a lot has happened in the paltry of days that have passed. If you never noticed, slap yourself hard in the face and thank God for MBs. Moving on, this is what has happened so far that people won’t stop jabbering about around their pots of malwa in their little, filthy bufundas.

Make it rain

The rains are back. They never sent a WhatsApp, or a DM. They just came, unannounced. Most city dwellers were sweating mbu nti there are being subjected to too much sunshine, which causes rickets, by the way. And soon, they might be balding because the sunshine was scorching. Amidst the wails and pleas, NWSC showed us mbu it is the custodian of water, that Desire is overrated and it gave us Zari. Also, just like that, without notice. It cut off water supply within the city suburbs. In the process, a new cologne had been invented (thanks to not showering) and most folks couldn’t wait to get to office and use office toilets and brush their teeth in there. However, God looked down at us and said, “My creation, also!” He told the askali to open the gates and the rains poured. It has been cold. Too cold. The bachelors and the bachelorettes and the freindzoned and the chucked and the singulars have been at pains with the coldness. The poor souls in Bwaise couldn’t comment by press time.

Sheikh Muzaata’s mouth

When he opens his mouth, he never closes it. And when he doesn’t close it, it causes chaos. Sheikh Muzaata has caused a storm in a tea jug when he commented about the etoofali money-making scheme and the president, not with the hat, but with the weed, didn’t take it lightly. The president in this case, if you’re slower than two snails, is Bobi Wine, smoked and chewed some cud and barked back at the Sheikh. They barked and barked, like stray dogs upon seeing a female dog walking past them without saying hi. The barking is still on.

Minister Philemon Mateeke, the fashionista

He was appointed State Minister for Regional Cooperation by fellow agemate. At the handover ceremony of the office, the youthful minister (who looks too old) pitched up at the offices, sauntered in like Oswald Boateng. His choice of dressing, an oversized coat that covered his fingers and touched his knees, his tie that looked like a camel’s tongue, his shirt that looked like it was pulled out of a rhino’s mouth caught everyone’s attention. The picture went viral that it is now copyrighted. The minister, however, hasn’t come out to say who his fashion inspiration was. He remains tightlipped. If he says it is Sevo, we shall let you know.

Also in the news, President Museveni met Amama Mbabazi’s wife, you know. They shook hands and smiled and winked at each other and sat and waited for 2016.

 

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