On Desire Luzinda: What the president should do

By • Nov 11th, 2014 • Category: Old News, Society

A few moons ago, Uganda and other neighboring continents were awash with pictures of a naked frame purportedly thought to be belonging to Desire Luzinda. “Desire, who?” The people, after sniffing such good news, fell over themselves trying to grab hold of the pictures before Fr. Lokodo could wake up and snatch their phones. The naked pictures spread like wild fire across the country, jumping from phone to phone like grasshoppers.

However, by the time the pictures filtered through, the president’s social media accounts were rumored to have been hacked. I am sure the smart hacker extended his pudgy hands and hacked his WhatsApp as well and crossed all his blue ticks. That bastard! The president didn’t receive the pictures and was only given lugambo from his bigmouthed aide Tamale Mirundi, who only fed him sketchy information. But this is what the president should do to Desire Luzinda to reward her for her heroic, bold and developmental leap she took.

Send her for peace talks

Desire Luzinda, as witnessed in the undressed pictures, flashed a V-sign which signifies peace. The president, thus, should seize this opportunity and send Desire for peace talks to countries at war, say, in South Sudan where Machar and Kiir are plucking each other’s feathers. Ah, read the newspapers to know why they are fighting.

Naked truth

The president should task Desire Luzinda, because she was naked, to reveal the naked truth about the opposition’s agenda and how they currently go to work after abandoning walking to work. Do they crawl to work?

To clean her up

Because those were dirty pictures, the president should task KCCA and NWSC to clean her up and wash those dirty pictures so that investors can freely come into this country without being afraid of stains.

Use her on his posters

Desire Luzinda is a global icon, isn’t she? Okay, she is not. But still, she is widely known and loved in equal measure especially by the men faction of society that built shrines on her where they privately worshipped her meaty thighs. The president, to avoid falling flat on his back come 2016, he should use her on his posters to garner support. If I was president, I would first lock Janet in the kitchen before slapping those pictures on my posters.

She should cover opposition’s eyes

Desire Luzinda had some decency even when she posed for the Kodak moment (I just wanted to use the phrase ‘Kodak moment’). She covered her nipples with her palms. She is good at covering. Even if your eyes are as big as her butt, you couldn’t see her stiff nipples. So, the president should instead use her to cover the opposition’s eyes so that they lose vision for this country. Yes, especially Besigye’s beady eyes.

 

Nyumirwanyoooo…oh!!

 

 

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