How to quit your Job?

By • Feb 24th, 2014 • Category: WTH

Everyone who has ever written a self-help book on how to be successful has only written about How to get employed but no one ever talked about How to quit your job? Here at ULK, our self help book also teaches you how to quit your job!

Do you like your job? Do you feel like you are being overworked and underpaid? Do you feel like its time you moved on? Do you like your workmates? Do you like your job? We ask again, do you like your job! You who is reading this? NO?

The experts at ULK have tasked us with teaching you on when to resign and quit your job.

Step 1.

Write that resignation letter. When you are writing this, make sure to make it as juicy and as exciting as that CV you handed in when you are looking for that job. Remember how you said you are goal oriented, loyal, excited and looking forward to being part of the team, well, do the opposite now. You are going to write about how you greatly miss the organization and that your aunty who used to pack lunch for you is also going to miss the team. Only good things.

Step 2.

Attach the letter to email. I don’t think people print out resignation letters any more.

If you’ve printed, still, attach it to the email.

After, send it. Done. You are now officially on your way to being unemployed.

But remember;

Monday: You can’t send it when the week has just begun. There’s no past tense for worst. Well, if it were, then that would be the worst of the worst Monday ever, for you.

Tuesday: Do you want to miss out on the half price office pizza day? Don’t even risk sending it.

Wednesday: Don’t attempt to send it. It’s the mid week crisis in office. People don’t know what to call it. Half empty (Monday is done) or Half full (Friday is around the corner).

Thursday: But Friday is tomorrow.

Friday: Don’t send it in the morning.

Friday 5:30pm: Click send.

Step 3.

Wait. Patiently wait. Resigning is not as easy as you sent it on Friday you won’t have to go to work on Monday. It’s more than that.

Step 4.

Pray you don’t meet your bosses in the office corridors, toilet or in the board room alone after sending it. Run away from office.

Step 5.

Remember, do it at the end of the month. You don’t want to do it at the beginning. I mean, who does that? Are you a monster? People’s feeling will get hurt. You need to get them when they still have some salary on their accounts.

If you follow these steps closely, I can now say you are officially unemployed. Welcome to the club, Hooray.

 

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  • Audrey

    lol!!! (shakes head, sighs ) speechless