A narrative from the Police Officer’s Recruiting Enforcers (PARE)!
Do you like to pare my people? I said Do you like to PARE?
I have a feeling this title has been used before but that shouldn’t stop me now. I’ll do what Kanye does best and just be me. I put the me in Kanye! Did you watch the News? Uganda police on recruiting drive? Did you guys see the future teargas crew? The people who will be harassing you with pink water soon who also can’t speak English? Like, work with me here! Anyone?
Well, here’s your guide to making it through to the police academy! Well, if you have these qualities, or even just a wee bit of them, join now or maybe you are a formidable candidate.
*Remember the movie Police academy?
1. Are you good at playing ‘apart together apart together’? If you are good at it then definitely you will make it to the police academy. You will easily ace the physical exams with this. That’s all you need.
2. Can you keep a white uniform clean with only star blue soap from Mukwano industries? If you can, then definitely the police will recruit you. Also, instead of Kyambogo students striking, they could do research on the secrets of those white uniforms and how they manage to keep them clean.
3. Do you have any education qualifications? No? It’s ok. Your birth certificate showing that you are indeed Ugandan (only requirement) is all you need to join the police force.
4. Nakupiga sana wewe nakupenda. . .ok, I’ll stop here now. But if you can make out a few Swahili words then you definitely qualify to join the Uganda police force.
5. Are you 16? 18? 35? 50? It’s never really too late to join. They don’t have any age restrictions when it comes to applying for the Police force. Sign up now.
6. Did you know that police have the right of way in the wrong lane? If you didn’t, just go and sign up.
7. If you never grew out of the cops and robbers stage as a child you can now upgrade. Our police force is hiring. You are their future.
8. Do you know what Afande means? If you do, you get straight As at the police exam.
9. If you can hear a drunk person, then clearly you are at the top of the list of police recruits.
10. ARE YOU BROKE? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BROKE? Join now. Take a bribe. It gets easier.
11. Welcome to the Police academy.