Monday Massacres: Tusaba Gavumenti Etuyambe

By • Dec 16th, 2013 • Category: Monday Massacres

No, we didn’t steal an editor from Bukedde. It’s a trending Luganda phrase for “Furaaaaaayideeee!!!” Even if it’s Monday.

Seriously though, it’s a classic Shakespearean phrase for “We ask government to save us!” Cos shit man, there’s just too much to deal with.

William Shakespeare

1. The last house party I went to had more men than girls. The rules of partying all across the world do not condone such foolery. Estrogen rules! #TusabaGavumentiEtuyambe

2. When you enter a taxi, you immediately lose value. Like that shittyass flabby ex. They’ll stop anywhere for you but when disembarking, you tell them Wandegeya and they’ll drop you in Nakapiripirit district. Nti “there was no parking.” #TusabaGavumentiEtuyambe

3. People these days like following trends and end up forgetting who they are. They diss Miley Cyrus just cos all the internets are doing it and then go and load all his albums on their iPods. “Screw Miley Cyrus! ♩ ♪ ♫ Akemilaka wreeeeeekimbooooooo… ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯ ” #TusabaGavumentiEtuyambe

4. Boys should stop asking girls to come to their places “just to watch movies”. God hates liars. If you really want to go to heaven, tell her “Come to my place and we have sex”. And girls need to stop pretending they’ve come to watch movies. The sex won’t have itself. #TusabaGavumentiEtuyambe

5. Did you know that famous UG ambassador to the American accent Rarbin Kirsti recently had a battle of wits with our boy Ernestizzle Bazanyizzle on Twitter? Ask myself if you think I’m lying. It got too hot that her accent melted and she started saying things like ‘halarious’. #TusabaGavumentiEtuyambe

@bazanye But what the fuck is your fuckin problem dude, u bin on my case since I came here. Do you have a crash oh wat? #getafuckinjob

6. Complaining about KFC prices is like knocking on your neighbour’s door and asking them to please stop putting so much sugar in their coffee cos you’re those ends trying to watch TV and it’s distracting you. Just work harder and open a savings account so you can some day afford it too. #TusabaGavumentiEtuyambe

7. Many Ugandans find it prestigious to have haters. Cos according to great advice from reputable icons in their headphones like Yung Gotti Flower and J Boner Flex and Lil ill and Blind Fas Chiggiwiggi and other admirably named rappers, having haters is a sign that you’re rich and young and successful and gat bitches in the hood and you wake up in a new Bugatti. So next time someone calls to say they hate you, jump up and down in euphoric folly and quickly grab a bike to the nearest ATM. Cos your account has just been credited, dude!

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  • Liz Agiro

    Lol!!!! Tusaba Gavumenti Etuyambe.

  • Bukirwa Lillian

    Aww..didn’t know Miley was a *he*