Bunyoro Vs BuBritish: Game On!

By • Aug 7th, 2013 • Category: Suburbans

By The Ungoddamnstoppable Ronald Mayanja

It is unamazing how historical events unfold… When the British were taking artifacts from Bunyoro kingdom in the 1800’s, it is more than likely that the King might have just let them take them because well, back then they were not artifacts, but just a bunch of expired furniture.

Just for your remembrance, artifacts are pieces of useless stuff saved to look at in the future.

Specimen A: Vintage City Mayor, Erias Lukwago

Specimen A: Vintage City Mayor, Erias Lukwago

The Smithsonian, for example found a 2000-year old Egyptian dog carcass and put it in the museum as an artifact. But as you can already see, that was some worthless piece of dog at the time of its death.

It is said that the University of Oxford is holding some 279 cups, plates and such household stuff taken from Kabalega’s palace during the colonial times. Right now, Bunyoro says they want their stuff back, but Oxford says they have been holding the utensils for centuries and are overwhelmed by the size of shit the kingdom gives after all this time.

Are they going to give it back? Depends. Will goats ever be given the freedom to democratically elect their own leader? Those artifacts will stay where they are. Why?

The pecking order problem

This is one of the most despised, yet most accepted rules of nature. Important people like Peter Griffin are going to find people less worthy than them to kiss their ass, because they clearly can’t do it by themselves. And nature will find a way to provide a person or two for just that.

Ass Kissing

So, a long time ago in Bunyoro, the king and his chiefs were pecked by the commoners that had little or no money, and you see, that was alright…because they’d take their best chicks, and feast on their best ducks and not a word was said. Then the whites showed up. The sobs had to be pecked by the kings, because that is the order, and boy did they get pecked.

Game of thrones

Among the things that the British government confiscated from Kabalega’s palace was his beloved eight-legged throne. Yes, eight-legged throne. And I wish I was shitting you.

It is said that Kabalega’s choice of chair is one that transcends centuries and should be taken seriously. Legend has it that the chair not only worked as the King’s throne but also as a venue for the beating of the royal rats.

We got if from the net

Oxford University claims they bought the chair/bed on ebay. And as their policy of paying cash for all forms of weird looking shit from the 1800’s, they went on to buy it.

“At first we thought it was just a bloody wooden stool that was a cool buy. But we later discovered it was indeed a throne from those of Africa,” a source from Oxford said.

“We ain’t returning it though.”

Liking this article is what happens to cool people