How Broke MPs can Survive the Brokeness of MPs

By • Jul 30th, 2013 • Category: WTH

By The Dishonourable Tom Rwahwire

 

Hon Kanyeihika John of Rukaffela West constituency

Hon Kanyeihika John of Rukaffela West constituency

Members of Parliament, it turns out, are like rappers signed to American hip hop record labels. They act like they are balling but in reality they are broke.

The news came out last week. The legislators are so deep in debt that some of them end up taking home as little as 30,000 of the millions of shillings they are awarded monthly as salary.

Freaking losers.

 

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Then to make matters worse, they have asked that the government step in to rescue them by I don’t know, paying their debts for them, or arresting the loan sharks or giving them bigger salaries. I don’t know. I zone out when I hear MPs saying dumb shit.

But there are many people who earn peanuts and still go to work, so what is the zib? Oh, they don’t want us to know they are broke. They want to keep apperances. Swagga. Fly like a G6. Those stunts.

Okay. We can help. Listen and learn.

  1. Drink slowly. One bottle of beer can last all night. Unless they are free, then drink enough for the next three weeks.
  2. Johnny Walker is just a bottle. It really doesn’t matter what is inside most times. So, you know, it can be safi.
  3. Pass the bodaboda helment rule that makes it mandatory for passengers to also wear element. That way we won’t know it is you on the back of the bike.
  4. You want to live in a Kololo mansion, go ahead and live in a Kololo Mansion. Just cut costs by living in the garage and let someone else rent the main house. I’ve done it before. Living in a garage doesn’t suck that bad.
  5. Become a socialite. They can live on free food at functions
  6. You don’t want to look cheap, so you want to buy nice suits. Okay. But save money by not getting underwear or socks.
  7. Learn from campusers and share clothes. Borrow each other’s gear and mix and match so they don’t see you recycling.
  8. Revive walk to work. Just don’t make a big deal about it on the news cos, then we will have to teargas you.
  9. Get a part time job. There are many ways to earn extra money without getting in the way of your parliamentary duties, eg. freelance writer, consultant, phone sex…
  10. When you go upcountry  to visit the constituents, you want them to see you arrive in style. But you don’t want to spend money on fuel. So park the Land Cruiser in the bush just outside the village and go the rest of the way to Kampala by taxi.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • joshua

    Ohh my God this tottally cracked me up esp the phone sex hahahah

  • Mogis Kamoga Sharif

    just holding ma stomach cz its hurting from all this laugh u caused