KAMPALA – Following the news that a previously not-really-that-well-known artiste is suing a supermarket for copyright infringement comes word that another musician is planning to take people who steal his ideas to court.
Our reporter spoke to Mince Meats Smith.
ULK: Thank you for joining us Mince
MMS: Meats. Call me Meats Smith. I’m still trying to find myself
ULK: Alright, Meats Smith. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule, if you don’t mind me asking, what was wrong with “Mince”.
MS: I didn’t want to take any chances; you know how butchers can have beef?
ULK: How about Meats? Applying the same logic, what’s to stop an abattoir from suing you?
MS: Abba who? What records has he done?
ULK: Moving on. I’m sure the readers would like to know what you have up your sleeve.
MS: It’s mostly hair. Taking a cue from the inspiration of my name I’m mostly organic. Here, see…
ULK: Perhaps I wasn’t clear, what I meant to say is, our readers would like to know what you are planning to do.
MS: Oh sorry, but first tell me, who was that Abba guy you mentioned earlier.
ULK: Don’t mind that, homie, you’re eating in to my word limit.
MS: Right, right. It’s a good thing you’ve brought up words. You see, people go around using them without paying people for their use. I read that article about Nince Henry in the Monitor and realized, I had a case too.
ULK: Go on.
MS: So I decided instead of limiting myself to a supermarket, I’d go after everyone. You use my words in a sentence- boom! I come after you. You display my video before it is ready – twaf. Your ass is mine. You so much as pick up an instrument I have thought of using – Bwogolakko! I’m gonna put you down like a dog.
ULK: Is that from one of your songs?
MS: Not yet. I have to write a song first for it to be.
ULK: Are you suggesting you don’t have any songs out yet?
MS: I’m not just suggesting. I am telling you…as a friend.
ULK: Hold on. So what is it exactly you are planning to sue people for?
MS: Ideas! They are all there in my head. I know how my song will sound. I know exactly how the video will look. They are not out, but if I see them, I will know they are my things. Like how after a one night stand you don’t know whether you have children, but when you see a child with a defined landing field instead of a forehead, something clicks and you just know, ‘that one must be mine’. . .
ULK: I’m sorry that’s all we have time for. Mince Meats, you’re full of bull.