Q: Hi Priscilla Ray, we are glad to be able to find you here, where you are, and that you have given us this opportunity to tell our readers in Kampala what you are up to. Let me get right to it and ask the first question right away. Who the fuck is Priscilla Ray in the first place?
A: Well, I was a celebrity in Uganda in the nineties.
Q: There were celebrities in Uganda in the nineties?
A: Munange, we were the ones.
Q: Tell us more. In which category of celebrity did you fall? Did you sing Eno Mic or Wankyekekya, or did you act with the Ebonies?
A: Oh no. None of those. Me I was a supermodel. Even my legs are still long.
Q: There were supermodels in Uganda not just in the nineties but, like EVER? I mean, we know there are chicks in Ug now who think they are models and they think that makes them glamorous, but in reality no one gives a wharrever about a model. Models live in garages subletting until they hook a white sugar daddy.
A: I assure you I was not like those ones. I was famous and had a lot of media coverage. Plus I was brown and Ugandans think that is so cool, so they loved me.
Q: Okay, assuming you were actually a celebrity, even though some of our readers by now still think I am making you up cos they have never heard of you, why did you stop being famous?
A: I didn’t stop being famous. They even still write about me on tabloid websites. The other day I had beef with Zari on twitter!
Q: So? I have beef with Zari on twitter every hour.
A: Yeah? But does she respond to your tweets?
Q: No, but I assume that is because she doesn’t know how to read words written in full spelling. Now, Ray, this interview is getting out of control. You are supposed to be telling me what you are up to and what you have been up to since you stopped being famous. So, are you also managing a restaurant in outside countries like Eva Mbabazi?
A: I have been involved in some businesses in outside countries.
Q: So if I come to Boston I can find you in MacDonalds like Eva and tell you whether I want fries with my big mac?
A: You are just a hater Bazanye. I swear, you are just jealous.
Q: That’s true, and it is really pathetic. I am a professional at the top of my game, and I am jealous of anyone, even a Macdonalds waitress, all because she gets the chance to live in a country where she can watch Netflix. Man, I wish I could get Netflix.
A: Suffer locally.