Monday Massacres: Leaked Police Se-juice-aah report

By • May 27th, 2013 • Category: Monday Massacres

Last week, the police did a ninja on the media and shutdown very many media houses, including one newspaper and one tabloid. All kinds of curses and unfriendly stuff was sent in their direction but the police did not give a sheet. Not one. This baffled very many observers seeing as they all knew for a fact that the officers are full of sheet; “Why you no give a sheet eh? Not even one? C’mon!,”  they were heard saying

Uganda Police

The Uganda Police giving a sheet

In as much as we were tempted to run and hide for fear of being shutdown too (since our Intel guy Swaibu had tipped us that we were next) we chose to be brave and try to find the story behind the story. We brought you and interview with the letter the police are still frantically searching for at the premises of the embattled newspapers. We brought you movies done by leaders in the industry about the stand-off. Then we went undercover to read the police report detailing what they’ve discovered at the premises so far.
Below is the stuff:

1.Irene Namubiru’s other g-nuts
2. Seya’s American accent, the one he got while incarcerated in the same cell with Wesley Snipes
3. Zari’s real singing voice
4. Bebe Cool’s talent
5. A blue-balled monkey
6. One of the missing government goats. Investigators swear that they found it at the Red Pepper offices typing out a Hyena story.
7.Pesa man. They found him in a compromising position with a life-size picture of  Sponge Bob.
8.Sevo’s other rap
9. Patches of half-smoked dry grass
10.Jackie Collins novels next to sticky piles of tissue and cotton wool
We will not rest until the entire story is unearthed. We will keep you posted on the police’s findings.

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