A Public Safety Announcement

By • May 15th, 2013 • Category: Society

The police have launched a fantastic new promotion powered by the Ugandan public. In the exciting development, Ugandans will have to perform a number of basic tasks to help the desired police officer win cash prizes.

bad

Bad boys bad boys. Whatchugonna do?

 

GIVE YOUR WALLET A SPACE-LIFT.

At the lower end of the spectrum, the general public will be encouraged to invest in airtime. If you don’t have any, you can choose to either use MTN EXTRA TIME (Now available for pretty Ugandan chicks with zips lining their lips) and you should be sorted. Wait. It is important that you use this airtime within sight of your officer otherwise it all comes down to naught.

This is where it all matters. If the police officer catches you speaking on the phone while you drive, he wins 100,000/-, INSTANTLY. This part of the promotion is a bit one sided, but we anticipate the prospect of it spreading to include pedestrians on the phone as well. It worked for Drink-Walking promo, didn’t it?

BUCKLE UP FOR BROKE

If you cannot afford 100,000/- fear not, there’s still hope. All you have to do is mess about with your seatbelt and get caught. Achieving this is a tad difficult as seat belts are generally built to withstand damage, however, this does not mean the feat can not be achieved with practice.

Between attempting to coax your partner in to violent sex while the seatbelt is still buckled and responding rudely at security checks when asked asinine questions like, “Are we safe? Do you have arms? Who won last night’s game?” prompting the interrogator to abandon reason and attempt to ease you out through your window, we’d choose the latter approach. There’s a kick out of it. When you get caught with a spanking new messed up seatbelt, your officer wins 80,000/- ON THE SPOT!

You can choose to shortcut the process entirely by just sitting in the driver’s sit without a seatbelt, but where’s your sense of adventure?

You have the right to remain silent. Or scream.

You have the right to remain silent. Or scream.

DUI – DRIVING UNDER INSPIRATION

Love to drink, but you worry that will get in the way of you making a difference? Here’s some news that will turn that drunken frown upside down. The next time you go to the ATM to collect your sponsorship package, be sure to pick up an additional 200k. With the new promo, you can drink as much as you want and win!

That’s right, simply make sure you achieve levels of toxicity so high that blowing the breathalyzer will leave it charred and fork over 200k to the Woloks Wearing White and move on to the next bar. The good news is, this part of the promo comes with free accommodation for 12 hours.

Know that dendai you’ve been meaning to give a ‘goodu one’ but haven’t yet because of the ‘where’ variable? Simply ply her with alcohol, put her behind the wheel and wait. When you get caught, scream that this is not fair and say you will spend the night with her. Out of gratitude, she may reward your valor.

Affande she told me to shut up and drive

Affande she told me to shut up and drive

Please note, such gratitude may come with attempts by the alcohol from earlier on attempting to flee the scene of the crime using any exit at its disposal.

Also, your rewarding mechanism may prove faulty….

Also… some may call your initiative rape.

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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers