Monday Massacres: The Greatest Inventions in Uganda

By • Apr 29th, 2013 • Category: Monday Massacres

Over the years, we’ve seen several inventions come out of this dusty pearl; there are several others being worked on by mad scientists all over the country right now. We sent out a team to do hardcore research and here they are:

PARTY CATEGORY

[ulk-credit]jscreationzs / freedigitalphotos.net[/ulk-credit]

[ulk-credit]jscreationzs / freedigitalphotos.net[/ulk-credit]

Party Pretty

This mobile app, to be released initially only for Android devices, will have detectors at the entrance of all nightspots that matter. The detectors will scan the faces of all the ladies walking into the nightspots, use a complex beauty algorithms and grades their beauty and booty on a scale of 1 to 10. Guys using the mobile app get to decide which place to hang out at depending on which one has more beauty or more booty. Girls use the same app to decide where to go to find as little competition as possible

Arab Money Party

This mobile app complements the Party Pretty app. It too has detectors at all nightspots that matter in the country. It uses complex, rich algorithms to determine how much money each guy entering the place has. Female users can decide where to hang out depending on where the most loaded guys are. It also allows guys to decide where to go and not feel threatened by how much money fellow revelers have

POLITICS CATEGORY

Corruptalyzer

The way this neat gadget works is that you breathe into it and it displays how much public funds you have stolen in the last three months. The idea is to place it at the gate of parliament to replace the useless, electricity-guzzling metal detector.

Suitstress

This machine would spit out proper-fitting suits for our members of parliament

Gibberish

The name of this device will be to throw people off. The small, nifty invention, to be stuck under the tongue, would be used to translate the nonsense said by a member of parliament, real time, into sense with figures and statistics. The gadget would be handed out at the beginning of each Parliamentary session. It would deliver a small, non-fatal, electric shock to a wearer when he exceeds a preset gibberish limit.

 MUSIC CATEGORY

Songbird

[ulk-credit]renjith krishnan / freedigitalphotos.net[/ulk-credit]

[ulk-credit]renjith krishnan / freedigitalphotos.net[/ulk-credit]

This will be a tablet that will allow anyone who swallows it three times a day, with Safi, to have a good singing voice. It would magically change your singing voice from Nandutu to Alaine in a week…or you get your money back. Those who cannot afford this slightly pricy medication will have to buy the…. (Sweaty drum roll)

Ear-mpaffu

To use this amazing device, one sticks it into their ears and anything they listen to will sound like very good music. A Zari jam will be playing and all you’ll hear is Lauryn Hill.

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