I look through the hand that’s been dealt.
They are shitty cards to be honest, but you know what they say about a bad workman and his tools. No, perv, not those tools.
The card lying on the table looks like it’s taunting me, like some pubescent nymphet goading an old man with erectile dysfunctions. I look through my cards again and then make a move. Almost instantly, the other player makes his move.
It’s a swift gesture that’s almost as unnerving as it is enriching to my deck. I have to pick 2 cards. I don’t even have the time to so much as whisper a prayer. Ask God to give me something sensible to work with despite my sporadic visits to His House.
The new recruits know they are not welcome and do well to stay to the side of the screen, as far away from the others as possible.
The other player doesn’t nag me, just waits for me to make a move. That’s probably the worst kind of opponent. There’s mystery in the unknown and it’s damn well unnerving. Should I throw an Ace at the stuck and make known my desire.
What’s to be lost?
Nothing apparently, because no sooner have I made a request than the guy at the other end asked me to pick two more cards.
These two also know better than to mingle with what they have found in place. One of them seems to have some use, so not all is lost.
I’d be a fool not to notice that there’s a trend here. My deck of cards seem to have the desire to outnumber the ones on the table. That’s not the objective of the game and it’s imperative that I cut them down to size.
I throw a Jester at the cad on the other side and in quick succession dispatch a duo of 8s. I finish the onslaught with a King bedecked in flowers.
I sit back triumphantly. Where’s my mule, let me ride into a city. Let all and sundry know what I have done this day.
The moment is shortlived. The bastard ends the game abruptly. I stare at the 7 of flowers incredulously. Who the hell does this?
As I take this in, an announcement that I’ve lost rears it’s ugly head driving the point home with stars so pale, I’m reminded of empty eye sockets.
I don’t care that I’m playing a computer, a faceless nameless pariah that doesn’t even know how much grief he’s causing me.
All I know is that Kola Studio’s little gem has got me by the short and curlies and I will not give this game of Matatu the satisfaction of watching me retreat, whimpering in defeat.
For the thousands upon thousands that have discovered this crazy addiction, this may be a game. For me, this is war.
Visit the google play store and download a copy. Or get a double dose, play on Facebook as well.
If you want to engage in this massacre on your phone, you would do well to click here. If, however, you want to take it to the masses, to let all and sundry what you’re on about, then the facebook version is here. Forget picking up a pack of cards for your family’s amusement, this is not rock, paper, scissors.
I can only show you the path, the rest of the journey; you must take on your own.
Maybe you may fair better.
And if you’re to do just one thing for a fallen soldier, hit customize and choose the ULK theme.
Perhaps, just perhaps, we shall meet on the battlefield.