A news headline from the Monitor appeared on twitter yesterday, telling us of a schoolteacher who was on the run, apparently, after being caught dealing drugs. We did not click on the link, of course, out of the very logical and understandable fear that the true story would turn out to not be as awesome as the headline makes it sound. Instead we sat down and remembered our own school days. It was enough to compile this list of signs that your teacher is a drug dealer.
- When he was scolding you and he asked, “What are you high or something?” He always ended it on an expectant note as if he wanted to add, “Would you like to be?”
- What kind of village schoolteacher drives a BWM X5 with spinning wheels and wears a pure white leather Louis V pimp coat? Other teachers arrive at school on foot or, if they have been paid, by bodaboda. But this guy parks his X5 in the parking lot.
- The vehicle is always full of brown chicks in stripper heels who call him “Dzaddzy”. They look like they are from a music video.
- He knows a whole lot about Agric and Chem. And yet he is a CRE teacher.
- He listens to 50 Cent songs and takes notes. Like, “Hmmm. Baking soda, eh? Okay, so that’s how it’s done.”
- He listens to Rick Ross songs and says, “Mssswch. Kiwani just.”
- He was a simple, humble, down-to-earth guy until that day when he caught students watching Breaking Bad in the dorm and he confiscated the DVD then went to watch it himself. Since then he just changed. It got worse when he confiscated a copy of Weeds. Then when he got The Wire, it was over.
- He began coming to class with a bandana like for Avon Barksdale even.
- He is always being caught getting BJs from toothless vagrants, of either gender, in dark alleyways