Father Anthony Musaala, aka Father Lambada, aka the Priest a di dancehall, recently caused a stir when a letter was uncovered in which he discussed the issue of Catholic priests who disregard their vows of celibacy and bone parishoners.
In response to this the the managing director of Catholics in Kampala Archbishop Cyprian Kizito Lwanga, aka Ranga wrote his own letter in which he said Musaala was on suspe.
These are only two of the letters on the topic of priests that we have uncovered in our investigations.
My name is Immaculate. I was given that name as kind of an ironic joke, because everybody used to think my mum was a virgin. They used to admire her for how devoted she was to the local church, always up at the chapel assisting the priest. Then suddenly she swells up and nine months later, I pop out. Anyway, I just thought I should drop you a message and introduce myself and let you know that I am not a Catholic myself, but I still call you “father”.
How are you doing? I hope you are well and that you are blessed in your life in my parish. I trust that the shamba is prospering, now that our prayers have been heard the rains have returned. I just thought I would send you this message to inform you of something. I just got back from the doctor. The results were positive. You should also go and get tested, I think.
I see the way you look at me when I am sitting in the front row. The way you watch me when I kneel and how you stutter when you catch a glimpse of my cleavage. Oooh, boobies! So why are we kidding ourselves. Let’s not fight it Father. Just don’t fight it.
We, the men of the parish, would like to thank the parish for the Rat killing ministry which several priests have taken an active involvement in. We have heard that when we are not around, local priests from the catholic church are on call, so whenever our wives find that there is a rat in the house that needs killing, and we are not around for whatever reason, either travelling on business, work, or adultery, they often call a local priest who is always willing to come and kill the rat for them.
Keep up the good work.
Parish Laymens Organisation