The latest news about Jenniffer Musisi is that she has been appointed to replace Nick Fury as the head of SHIELD when Avengers 2 hits cinemas in 2015. They expect her to improve that organization through her now-familiar trademark take-no-shit approach. Jenniffer Musisi is an incredible woman. She is a force for good in this society. She is wonderful. She doesn’t even have dandruff in her head and when mosquitos see her they decide instead to go away and starve.
She has beautified Kampala City, y’all!
Have you seen that? It’s gorgeous. It looks like Sandra Bullock mixed with Nia Long or if you are younger than 30, it looks like Beyonce mixed with whichever white movie star the kids land for these days. Oba Taylor Swift. We applaud Jennifer Musisi on beautifying the city in this wonderfully magnificient and tremendous manner which has used three pages of my thesaurus.
She has been beautifying a lot of middles of roads in Kampala. She makes them so beautiful you should not walk on them.
Rumours of kiboko and teargas surround these signs. Unemployment went down when beautification started. Unemployment of kanyamas who spent their days of joblessness lifting car spare parts and watching Martial Arts movies on Star Times in kibandas. You step and see.
Instead of defiling the grass with your stupid shoes, you are required to walk on the pavement, according to the KCCA, which is wise enough to know that you are not going to fly. Use the pavement. They have provided a pavement so you can leave their grass alone.
This is the pavement.
Now, we know some of you are going to notice that the pavement is not smooth and straight. It has a hump and cracks and if you walk on that your shoes are going to get dirty and then when you reach the office you were walking to people will look at you, especially women, because women do that sort of thing, they will look at your shoes and conclude that they are not entirely against apartheid after all. In fact they support the form of apartheid where people like you are locked outside. Because they consider you subhuman. Inferior. Of less value. Cos your shoes suck.
But what are you complaining about? At least there are no open manholes.
So, is this what Kampalans are about? A chick tries her best to beautify your city and all you can do is bitch about a manhole? Just one manhole? Just one single, solitary, manhole?
Okay. TWO. Two measly manholes…
Actually, there are like manholes all the way to Shoprite. It has been rumoured that if you fall in you find yourself in Mordor, but no one has returned to tell us whether that is true or not. The point is that Jennifer’s beauty, like the beauty of most, comes with a cost.
The fact that this can turn into a photo essay and then into a whole documentary starring more manholes than the Expendables locker room should not derail us from the facts. I don’t want to hear people saying that the money used to put flowers and fountains and beauty in the parts of the city no one uses could be used to improve safety on the parts we have to walk on. That’s just being a h8ter who doesn’t understand.
If you want to be a villager, get out of Kampala #Rabinkisti. A modern city has beauty in it, and Kampala is a modern city.
A modern city also has safe pavements, but let us not get greedy. We can’t afford to have both, so beauty first.
You look at the flowers and fountains and watch your step.