SNLV: Movies for the weekend

By • Mar 8th, 2013 • Category: Reviews, WTH

Gangster Squad
Starring Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling’s shirt, Old Fashioned Guns,

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So Ryan Gosling’ shirt was on the whole time. Which probably means women demanded refunds. I assume that the only value Ryan Gosling has to Hollywood is this softcore porny appeal he has to women. This may be an objective and thoroughly-considered critique of his acting talent, or it may be nuggu.

This movie is set in Los Angeles, where many crimes take place. But this was before NCIS, CTU and all those bloods and crips we hear about in Nipsey Russel songs. This was in the 1940s, a time when all the men wore shirts all the time.

So Sean Penn was there and he was as if a  badass one who runs all the city’s crime. Gambling, hookers, drugs, everything. He wants to expand his criminal empire to include theft of Ryan Gosling’s shirts but that is the last straw. Josh Brolin is recruited to put together a squad of cops who will operate outside the law. Generally to fuck Penn’s shit up without having to worry about due process. They can go into the brothel and just shoot everything. They can hijack his drug vans. Whatever.

Now, is this a good movie? Me I dozed, I swear. It would have been better if they were not in 1940s and had better fight scenes and better guns and maybe Jet Li. And if Straight Outta Compton was the soundtrack.

 

 

The Last Stand

Starring Swaziniga, Guns, Wrinkles, Flab, The inexorable march of time,


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Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is a parody of what he used to be, does not seem to realize it. The guy has gone back mbu to be an action star.

But one things Arnold Schwarzenneger should realize is that he was never that good in the first place. So he had all this violent extravaganza of special effects happening around him to make people enjoy his movies, but nowadays we have plenty of the same thing without him. Hell, even Shia Labouf managed to hold down an action movie.

He has nothing to say. I’ll be back? Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That.

I just want you to know that if you see me watching The Last Stand take my eyes and give them Kiboko. I am not going to watch this thing. EVER. It sounds as sucky as it is going to be.

 

Stand Up Guys

Starring Walken, Pacino and Awesomeness

 

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Christopher Walken and Al Pacino get to walk around acting at each other and oh gosh I loved this movie. They talked and quipped and one of them was an amoral manchild jerk, the other was the ka-wololo who follows his friend around  and they did it in a way that had such charm I almost wished I had paid for a ticket.

Okay, synopsis. Pacino is released from jail after serving 28 years. He took the rap for a crime him and Walken were involved in back when they were—well, not young, just not as extremely old as they are now. And they look like lizards in this film. Jurassic Park. So Pacino comes back and finds his buddy waiting for him.

But there is a twist. At the beginning of the film,moreover. There is  a hit on Pacino and Walken has to be the one to take him out.

Now, instead of a film of people running around trying to catch each other and shoot each other and do like Bourne and Bond, because this is Pacino and Walken, they don’t run. They act. They emote. They say cool things to each other. And it is brilliant. Just watch the thing and thank me later.

(Oh, Alan Arkin is also in there somewhere.)

 

 

 

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