Lent is a season when Christians across the world remember the people they lent money and call them with the hope that after sixteen missed calls, they’ll become considerate and pick up their calls.
The season starts on a Wednesday called Ash Wednesday. On this day, lenders breathe fire, make all kinds of alcoholic and non-alcoholic threats, and vow to burn to ashes anyone who refuses to pay back their money.
All of this lasts 40 days, after which lenders realise, “But you know what? Walayi this money is not coming back. Let me just wait for salo and pay myself.” This period of realisation is what we call Easter. After realising that lenders have given up, borrowers regain the confidence to appear in public, hence the partying and feasting and stuff.
Let’s take a look at some people who, to date, still refuse to give back what they borrowed.
Who: Edward Ssekandi, Vice President of Uganda.
Real job: Unknown.
Eddie, your great grandfather says he loves you but take back his suit. It was given to him as a birthday present back in 1908.
Who else: Dr. Jose Chameleone, Rocko Artis.
Real job: Trying to stay relevant.
Joseph, if holding a syringe and stethoscope made one a doctor, pigs would fly and airlines would lose money. And this country makes a lot of revenue from aviation. So for the sake of the economy, please give that title back to real doctors and they’ll prescribe something to stop the hallucinations.
Who this time: Robin Kisti, Presenter of NTV Login.
Real job: Getting seen on TV.
Kirstir, after the corruption scandal in the Office of the Prime Minister, the Americans thought they would have their aid back. And that includes their accent.
Who outside Uganda: Rick Ross, Rocko Artis in America.
Real job: Removing shirt in public.
Ross, your little brother says sorry that thieves always take your shirts every time you shoot a video. That he would have lent you one but you still haven’t brought back his marker. It was supposed to be for a school art project, not your body.