A scientific theory has been advanced that S.6 results have been released. This theory is true. With us in studio today is Uganda National Examinations Board Secretary, Mr. Matthew Bukenya to talk about this development.
Actually, he didn’t come but he said we can continue with the interview anyway. Kind man.
ULK: Greetings, Your Honour.
MB: Greetings to you too but we don’t hold such titles at UNEB.
ULK: You don’t have judges and lawyers and things like that?
MB: No. Just teachers and exam graders.
ULK: But when you say exams have been released, me for me I be thinking oba on bail?
ULK: So did S.6 students perform better than P.7 ones this year like last year?
MB: I’m sorry. I don’t…
ULK: Last year many P.7 pupils got 4, 5, 6 and some bright ones got those of 18 those ends and yet their brighter counterparts in S.6 got those of 8 and above.
MB: No, the grading systems are very different.
ULK: Isn’t that unfair competition?
MB: P.7 pupils do not compete with S.6 students. That’s…that would be silly.
ULK: What do those of A, B and C mean?
MB: Those are the students’ grades. A is the highest with six points and as the letters go down, a point is deducted.
ULK: Does that mean those who get like Z are in negative?
MB: No, there’s no Z. The grading stops at F. Then we also have X for, say, cancelled exams.
ULK: Does F stand for fala?
MB: It stands for failure. One would have to re-sit the exams to be admitted to university.
ULK: I think after F someone can get a G and they become gangsta.
MB: Like I said, the grading stops at F.
ULK: You need to be flexible. There are a lot of letters in the fish.
MB: You mean fish in the sea?
ULK: Which sea?
MB: Never mind.
ULK: So when girls are entering an exam, who checks them?
MB: We have invigilators at every school. And they check everyone, girl or boy.
ULK: Can I apply for the job of checking girls? I won’t touch them in a sexual way. I don’t even know why you’re thinking that. I just think girls are good to check.
MB: Well, you can try becoming a teacher and maybe we will consider you.
ULK: I don’t want to become a teacher. They are zontos. You can’t say things like X+Y=Z and then you tell me you don’t drink tonto every morning before going to class.
MB: That’s mathematics. It’s absolutely normal.
ULK: It’s okay. Mad people think they are normal. That’s why we don’t judge them. You do you see anyone imprisoning people in the Office of the Prime Minister?
MB: I wouldn’t know what to say to that.
ULK: You can make a good Bobi Wine. Those people never know what to say.
MB: Bobi Wine is one person.
ULK: All that hair belongs to one person?
MB: Yes. Is the interview over?
ULK: Just one more question. Who’s the chairman of UNEB today?
MB: Fagil Mandy.
ULK: Again? You don’t have another Fagil for Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday?
MB: His name is ‘Mandy’, not ‘Monday’.
ULK: Oh. So you change it on Tuesday.
MB: I’m sorry. I have another appointment. I have to run.
ULK: (Shouts after him) Can I eat these biscuits? These people only give visitors…