What’s Your Case | The People Versus Sumbi Eater

By • Feb 15th, 2013 • Category: Entertainment, Society

The Lawyer: Your Honor, that guy in the dock has been accused of committing one of the seven deadly sins. Listening to Justin Bieber pales in comparison to this young man’s atrocious behavior. He has been accused, your honor, of…eating.

I call to the stand our first witness, Mukyala Neighbour Neighbourson.


The Lawyer: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?

The First Witness: As if.

The Lawyer: That’s good enough for me. Can you tell the court what happened on the day in question?

The First Witness: Yes.

The Lawyer: Did you see the accused on that day?

The First Witness: Yes.

The Lawyer: And was he going to eat?

The First Witness: Yes. He looked like a person possessed by hunger. His eyes were red.

The Lawyer: Would you say he was going to feast upon this? Here, taste it…

The Other Lawyer: Objection your honor, he is feeding the witness.

The Judge: Sustained. Young man, I will not have you passing food around the court. If the people are hungry, let them eat cake.

The What Now: That’s what she said… as in, Marie Antoinette…. You get?

The Judge: Who the **** are you?

The A’Level Student with B’Level Timing: An A’Level student with B’Level timing…

The Sleazebag Lawyer from before: Your honor, as I was saying, my witness saw the accused and can tell the court what happened. Allow me to call my other witn… what the hell?

The Judge: What now?

The Snivelling Punk Ass Lawyer:  The person typing this out has it in for me…. Now look. I’m not going to speak until he styles up….

The Sweet-Smelling Judge: I don’t see anything wrong…

The Snitching Two-Faced Sleazebucket Lawyer: ….

The Accused: Please… don’t report me at home…

The Face Of Justice a.k.a The Judge: What’s that?

The A’Level Student with B’Level Timing: As in, where he lives, his digs, you get?

The Judge: Shut up. Now, you, the accused. What do you have to say for yourself?

The Accused: Don’t report me at home, I just want to eat…

The Judge: Yes, Yes, we got all that. Seeing as the other lawyer is being a bitch, what do you have to say for yourself.

The Accused: Well, it all started in the middle of the night. I was sleeping soundly. Then suddenly, my wife woke me up to hit a rat…


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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers

  • agnes

    insanity @ ITS BEST. LOVE

  • Bev

    loving it