Everything You Need To Know About Africa Cup Of Nations

By • Jan 31st, 2013 • Category: Sports

Everyone is talking about The Africa Cup of Nations these days, even the people who know nothing about it. If you are in the latter category you will need help in order to continue tying yourself into the kaboozi out of FOMO. So we have provided this guide to help you sound as if you understand.

 

This is the ULK Cheet Sheat. Everything You Need To Know To Act Like You Know about CAF.

 

The Africa Cup of Nations is abbreviated as CAF, not ACF.

ACF is:

  • Activists Change For
  • Africa Corruption Forum
  • Anti-Corruption Forum
  • African Corruption Fans
  • Alpha Cool’s Father

CAF is:

  • Chander and Frasier
  • Chaps And Fries
  • Cretine Avec Fouque
  • and Africa Cup of Nations

 

Some of the major teams:

Nigeria:

Nigeria is a nation where they all talk funny. Their team is called the Super Eagles. The players are human beings, however and not actually eagles because eagles are too hard to train.

Do not make the mistake of referring to the “Super Eagles” as the “Excellent Birds” or you may be insulted loudly in an accent you cannot understand. “You de commot de wottsan a wollogopo? Wetin na? I bego see ma foddo you neva ashawo de fadda de!”

 

A super eagle.  Note the lack of wings and beak

A super eagle. Note the lack of wings and beak

 

 

Sample statement: “The Super Eagles have a strong flank position which is what makes their defense tactics a force to reckon with.”

 

 

South Africa:

Their team is called Bafana Bafana and this is the only time South Africans pronounce the letter A. Otherwise, as viewers of Big Brother and Generations will tell you, they always say Eh.

“Suth Eh-Frika.” “GenerEHshEHns”

South Africa has one of the highest crime rates on the continent and therefore players are advised not to carry their valuables onto the pitch when playing Bafana Bafana, in case one of the Bafana (a Mufana) is a pickpocket.

(Just kidding, law-abiding South Africans. We know you will not pick our pockets. We don’t trust Sipho, but the rest of you are cool.)

A mufana. Note the lack of crime.

A mufana. Note the lack of crime.

Sample statement: “Aggressive midfield strategy is going to be key, but that is Bafana Bafana’s trademark style.”

 

Morocco:

Morocco has a football team. They are called Lions of the Atlas. An atlas is what we call the book you were reading in primary school the last time anyone in your life mentioned Morocco.

 

Popular view of a Moroccan.

Popular view of a Moroccan.

Cape Verde:

This is allegedly a real country mbu. According to Wikipedia, it has a population of half a million people. That is a third of Kampala. This is not a country, it is a district.

 

A Cape. Avad.

A Cape. Avad.

Sample statement: “South Africa will play the runners-up from Group B next Saturday, with Cape Verde facing the winners.”

 

Ghana:

The daughter of the president of Ghana is named Beyonce and she goes windowshopping for men. Here is a sample of the woman. Support Ghana.

 

I swear you need to watch this movie. It's hilarious.

I swear you need to watch this movie. It’s hilarious.

Sample statement: “The tension is palpable.”

 

 

 

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • Adeola

    You tried sha. I laughed a few times and think you can do better. I am Nigerian btw.