Mike Mukula’s Prison Diary

By • Jan 25th, 2013 • Category: WTH

Dear diary,
This feels odd being as it is; I’m usually the one being written about, not the one writing. This is truly unusual.

I have been told that I’m expected to be here for 4 years, but that’s laughable. I will likely be out in about a week or two. I sent Gil a message asking him for advice, but all he said was ‘LOL’.


Which political party is this LOL, I wanted to ask, but the network in the courtroom was as questionable.

Speaking of which, I knew something was amiss when he said I was guilty and read out my sentence when I run into him in the men’s room. I can’t believe I half believed him when he smiled thereafter and said, “jox”.

The road to the prison was not bad, in fact it was reasonably smooth. I have this sneaky suspicion that whoever was given that money will not be joining me here anytime soon. Bastard.

The uniform was another bone of contention. Yellow? I haven’t seen that much yellow since I asked for a fresh batch of posters for Mzee during the elections. Up close it hurts the eyes. It’s no wonder the wanainchi are asking for change.

And the material!! Oh lord, the material is very suspect, they say it’s cloth, but I think someone has diverted funds and people have been forced to settle for this fabric which feels like a cross between paper and cotton.

Like if a sheep mated with say, what produces paper… a tree, their offspring would shed the material from which these uniforms are made. Eish!

The good thing is the prison is not too far from home, which means on visiting day my relatives can pop in and out without being inconvenienced by the jam. Actually, I think, given proximity and all, my plan to regulate my bowel movements may not be necessary. I must remember to add portable toilet to my list, right under Colgate.

Oh diary, I don’t know how I will handle, but I know I must… I can’t wait to get back home to my lovely lovely toothbrush.

I’m not looking forward to my first night, but we shall see. I just hope the pillows have just the right number of lumps. I don’t expect them to be made from camel hair, but if the lumps are right, all will be forgiven. I love me some lumps!

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doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers