For several years now, the zone 7 back to school party has been a staple of my calendar.
I can only speak for myself of course and the voices in my head. The distinguished ladies and gentlemen at the back of my cranium have agreed that the on Friday, Back to School shall be attended without fear or favor.
Keep an eye out for the dude dressed as a dude dressed as a pipette from the Chem. Lab.
Glorious visions of sweaty rub-a-dubs with the cross eyed school nurse (Ha Ha! finally she allowed my advances!!) are already making me drool, so before I lose it completely, let me first present the top ten things that I am looking forward to seeing at the 2013 Zone 7 Back to school Parrey.
Presented in no particular order and with no regard whatsoever to common-sense … and eh… man… just read.
1. A thief. We need to catch a thief. And beat him so badly he will go and tell other thieves that certain working class twenty-somethings still haven’t lost their touch.
2. Food-fight. At some point during the mbocha and lining up and generally around that time we need lights to go out and for the backup generator to black out for a few minutes. Mayhem will reign as it always does and when the power comes back on, a lot of people will have released their stress and maybe (if Jesus loves us) a couple of girls wearing nothing but maize porridge, will be making out next to the bushes.
3. A brightly painted lawn gnome packed to the eyeballs with Ecstasy and somewhere during the course of the party, a baseball bat.
4. Kiboks, hot ones. Someone should cane the Senior Teacher. And make him pick rubbish even. If there is no Senior Teacher first order of business should be to choose one.
5. An exam, at least a test or quiz, on the St Lawrence Seaway. Not even simanyi Saskatchewan simanyi Prairies what… Just the Seaway. Anyone who gets above twenty percent gets free hardcorn.
6. The Saida Kaloli remix… Has… to Be Played… At least… Twice.
7. A kakarabanda complete with bones and high heeled shoes (meanwhile what was up with that) in a drug induced stupor, partying like its 2013. Then leaving with the Mama of the YCS fellowship for destinations and tongues unknown.
8. A stall run by the Association of Disgruntled High School Photographers. Auctioning to the highest bidder, all the sosh/prom snaps you refused to buy because you were too cheap (and un-photogenic). I f I am not mistaken, there is a killing to be made here. Literally.
9. Jabba. A lot of Jabba.
10. Mandatory morning prep and muchaka muchaka for those who are still around at five am, especially if they look clueless and overweight.