An ATM Withdrawal. Or An Attempt At One

By • Jan 10th, 2013 • Category: Suburbans, WTH

By Tom “Hollywood Heffe” Rwahwire


  • Hello. I’d like to make a withdrawal.
  • Of what you man. Lol.
  •  Of money. What else.
  • Which money. Now see this one.
  • Dude, just spit out the money. ATM doesn’t stand for Attitude Trashtalk Machine.
  • Okay, um… let me check your balance… um… you have exactly… click, click, whirrrrr, click, Uganda Shillings BLEAK on your account.
  • You must be kidding me. It’s only the tenth of the month!
  • And yet, here we are. Broke as Ziggy Dee.
  • Where did all the money go?
  • I don’t know. You are the one who took it.
  •  I swear. Now what am I going to do. Shit. I can’t be broke this early in the month.
  • ATM doesn’t stand for Advice To Man machine, so don’t ask me what you are going to do. You humans spend December as if you are all Zaris and then you come and disturb us in January when you have taken out all the money. I’m empty and I’m tired of humans coming in here and asking me where their money is. You are all broke this month.
  • I swear. Why don’t ATMs give overdrafts?
  • I don’t know. Go in the bank and ask the hot tellers.
  • I can’t. I don’t want them to know I am broke. I have been hitting on them.
  • All of them?
  • That’s the kind of guy I am. Playa’s gon play. You know wharramsayin?
  • You are the kind of guy who ends up broke by the tenth of January. You need to stop overchasing birds. Now what happens when you catch one? Imagine if you needed money to buy pampers or to pay school fees. What would your broke ass do?
  • Maybe I should get a sugar mummy.
  • Too late. The cut-off age is 26. You are 32.
  • So now what do I do?
  • Find the one where it stands for Advice To Me and ask it. Me if you want to know how much I care, look at your balance. That’s the figure. In fact, I was sleeping and you disturbed me.

Moral of the story: Get a sugar mummy before it is too late.


Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • picked_a_name

    moral of the story – get a sugar mummy before its too late? am i the only one offended by this???

    • Frank Odongkara

      Yes you are the only one offended by this. It’s a humor site where folks who get offended easily shouldn’t be

      • picked_a_name

        You are right, Frank. But you see, tebija k’koma wano.. Anybody with access to this article may easily be swayed by the ‘point’ the writer is putting across. We simplay cannot assume that everyone will read into the satire and leave it at that.

  • Judith

    lol hopeless just.