Zari swipes her manicure across screen: “It’s The Boss Lady. Holla, biatch.”
It’s the wololos. Cos when you are Zari you don’t have friends, you have either h8rz or wololos.
Wololo: Hi Zari. We r @ a parti! It’s hapenin!! Cam n join ass!
The wololos like to come off as simpe-minded bimbos (maybe because they are, maybe because that is the best way to keep fleecing a socialite) so they talk the same way they text.
Zari: I’m in! Where’s this party?
Wololo: We r @ Gabz, yo! Get ovr hia! Eatz of da huk!
Zari: Shit. I can’t make it, guys, I drive a Lambo these days, and it can’t make it over those potholes on the road.
Wololos lose. Now they have to pay for their own drinks. Life sucks.
iPhone buzzes again.
Zari swipes the screen with her blinged-up finger. “It’s Boss Lady. Make it pop, mofu,”
Other wololos on the line. Cos, when you are Zari you don’t have just one set of Wololos. You have various. When you put one set on time out, you can fall back on a different one. Also, you don’t wear the same clothes every weekend, why should your accessories be the same then?
Yes, Wololos are handbags.
Wololos: “Zari, itz hapenig deez enz!! Were U @? U nid 2 hit de joint an joyn ass un en hear!!!!1”
Zari: You know a party ain’t a party till I come through! (You know Zari isn’t too young to know Queen Pen songs, stop deceiving) Where are y’all at?
Wololos: “Yah! So cam 2 Akashya Abenyu. Amnizia is de joynt!! Letz getdiz part statted ryt!!!!!!!111one”
Zari sighs and the wind ripples down her lipstick: Sorry guys. I drive a Lamborghini these days and it can’t make it over the potholes on that road.
Wololos are disappointed again. Now they have to rubadub corporate guys to get their drinks paid for. And then sleep with them also.
Iphone buzzes. It’s a superwololo. This is not the common wololo. This one actually LOVES Zari. This one takes Zari personally. This one believes Zari is a god. This one gets hysterical over Zari.
Super Wololo: Zari, it’s the ULK guys.
Zari: What? ULK? Urban Legend Kampala? Those guys are hilarious! I love their pos..
SuperWololo: They are writing an article about you. Those haters! They are just jealous! They hate it that you are rich and beautiful and you have all that money and fame and for them they are merely comfortably well-paid. THEY ARE JEALOUS! Zari, you must go and do something to them. Throw some Rand at them and tell them to choke on that!
Zari: What? Those guys suck! Where are they and I go?
SuperWololo: They are in Bweyogerere now, as in you pass the muyembe and you go down the murram…
Zari: Dammit. My Lambo doesn’t do murram. And it definitely can’t reach Bweyogerere. Those guys!