Many theories have been advanced as to when the world will end and how. Some say it’s ending today, 12.12.12, while others say it will end next week on Friday the 21st of December.
If it ends today, I’m ready with my boxers, toothbrush and TV remote. I don’t want some stupid kid flipping channels while I watch Straka in the afterlife.
But if it ends next Friday, that will give me enough time to do some grocery shopping. They say heaven has lots of milk, apples and honey but no cornflakes, yoghurt and balaafu.
Now, although most people know when it will end, very few know how. I researched the different apocalypse beliefs and the following are my findings.
Some believe that the aliens that normally destroy life in America will turn to destroying the world. The whole world, not just New York. For the first time ever, aliens, zombies, vampires and transformers will unite against the human race and create a race of their own with whole new Twitter and Facebook accounts.
Some believe that a giant chicken will crush everything on earth and any surviving humans will become staple food for all chickens on earth. Men, women and children will then be slaughtered every Christmas and all other chicken public holidays.
Some believe that Museveni will stop being the president of Uganda and everyone in the world will freeze to death.
Some believe that everyone’s birthday will suddenly disappear off the face of the calendar or get eaten by birthday zombies and people will stop growing because their bodies won’t know what age to look like. And they will all die to death.
Some believe that the office tea lady will forget to put sugar in my coffee that day and I will get angry and kill everyone.