Monday Massacres: Polo Marathon

By • Nov 26th, 2012 • Category: Monday Massacres


There was a Polo tournament in Jinja over the weekend.

Polo 2012

On a ticket to tourney:

Polo is a fast-paced contact sport where injuries to players and spectators may be possible…(“all organizers accept”)….no liability for any damage, injury, theft or death howsoever caused. You attend at your own risk and expense.


Armed with this knowledge, I headed to the venue in a helmet and wearing a slightly bulging white ball-guard. Needless to say all the ladies ignored my endless winks and come-hither motions.

The tourney had 4 teams; Airtel, Sheraton, Midcom and Citi bank.

The game grows on you; more so after you get over the initial discomfort of a ball-guard. Citi bank emerged winners

Strangely, the players didn’t scream like prepubescent girlies and fall on top of each other after scoring each goal; either because rich people don’t do that kind of thing or due to the fact that boys and girls played together.

For centuries, golf players have had us hoodwinked. We’ve been led to believe that when someone has “arrived”, he/she plays golf. Bollocks. The figures are finally in; when one “arrives”, he/she plays Polo.

Polo 2012

Polo 2012

Each polo player uses at least 3 horses during a game. To take care of one horse you need a goose that constantly shits golden eggs and never gets constipated. Laxatives oyee


For those still arriving at the finish line right now, the rest of us are at work…you aren’t the first.

For those walking like they have an anvil between their legs, next time stretch after running. Marathon round-up:

Odd Attire

Jeans. Tight jeans. Tight clothes everyone behind you can see through. Pink and lime green shirts. Bata shoes. Wool sweaters

Playlist no-nos

Man down

Walking away

Walk it-Missy Elliot

Playlist yes

Running-2pac and biggie

Run this town

Unsexy and i know it

Vitamini – Lillian

Odd sights

Chinese guy walking. Panting. WTH man? You are a shame to your race


MTN Marathon 2012

Johnny soon after crossing the 2012 finish line. He set-off in the  2011 edition

The KB

Are we almost there?

Do (pant) you (pant pant) know where (pant pant pant) the toilets are?

To win

Think Kenyan thoughts…like “Sasa if I drink this Chang’aa, nita win kweli?” .

Plot after

Look for a joint that has whole cow. Whole pig. Replenish your body

The crowd

Raymond Kukundakwe. He was hard to miss seeing as he was wearing pink.

Doreen Namanya. She was at the finish line sticking out a leg to trip anyone struggling to stay on their feet.

Amos Kiyingi. He zoomed past this writer. He refused to share the package he got from Armstrong.

A lot-of-other-people-in-yellow



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