Monday Massacres: Lessons we learn from movies with kicks

By • Oct 29th, 2012 • Category: Monday Massacres

Sometimes you, as a proficient fighter, find yourself surrounded by a big number of people all baying for your blood. They all attack. And being the proficient fighter you are, you manage to hand out kicks, flicks, slaps and spittle to each of them in varying measures. Now, while you are kicking ass, we the not-too-proficient fighters, we who feel we are bad-ass because we jeered at a conductor once and we also stole guavas from our neighbour’s tree when we were younger, we see you beating people up and we learn a few things about our problems in life.

Kicking ass

Take that problems!

  1. No matter how many they are, they attack one at a time

    You will always have enough time to kick one goon in the groin before the next screaming lunatic has a chance to attack you. Same thing for problems

  2. They are always Chinese

    This isn’t true. Problems aren’t always Chinese. The coffee you take while trying to sift through them, that you usually take from a cup from China

  3. They scream as they approach

    Either to warn you, or to re-assure themselves that they are actually attacking you, these fighters always scream while approaching. Problems also usually drop tell-tale signs before  showing up with a baby at your doorstep. Squeaky engine parts. All pointing to a faulty car. He picks his nose. A warning he’ll be a wife-beater. You invite her for dinner for two and she comes with 2 buddies, one a guy. She’ll do juju on you. He sings along to Bieber. You know he’ll scream like a girl and jump into your arms when a roach scuttles across the living room. Tell-tale signs

    Battle cry

    I go kill you now now

  4. They have squinted eyes
  5. They are always puzzled when you kick their ass

    They wonder WTF? How did he manage to kick allofus? How? Same thing; the problems wonder how you manage to kick them to the curb

  6. They are weak

    Stand your ground. You’ll beat them all up

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