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Bazanye

Obama Vs Romney. How Does America Feel About This Sausage?

By • Oct 23rd, 2012 • Category: Politics

The American presidential debates are very important to the entire world, even including Uganda this time, because Obama and Mitt Romney are for some reason vital to the issues that affect the day-to-day grassroots Ugandan’s facebook and twitter feeds. We need to stay up to date on the matter. As you know, when the US sneezes, the whole world catches senyiga (Shakespeare.)
So, to help you gain a deeper understanding of the issues, we spoke to a few Americans to find out how they feel about the debates and the campaigns and who they are going to vote for so we can know what kind of flu we are getting.

Ja Rule aka The Former Ja Rule

Ja Rule:
Yo, yo, check it out, dawg, Obama says unemployment has went down during his first term. But my unemployment didn’t reduce at all. I’m going for Romney.

Sisquo: What we need is a president who is going to have the guts to institute a tough foreign policy. Not someone who is so soft, always trying to appease other nations. We need some one who can get tough. I have beef with Uganda. They are always downloading our songs for free but they don’t even come to our concerts when we go there. I will vote for whoever declares war on that asshole country.
(Ed’s note: Nobody in Uganda has downloads Sisquo songs. Only Breezy and Bey and Jigga and Weezy, but not Sisqo)

Tiger Woods:
Like most voters, I am inclined to the candidate I can most relate to personally. I mean the one who is most like me. So I’m voting Clinton agan.

Matthias Kiwanuka, aka Matto aka Chiuanuccer

Matthias Kiwanuka of the New York Giants
I have Ugandan genes, so I can vote for Obama three times in four different polling stations. Then if Rommney brings some salt and soap to my house, he can get a couple of votes for me, too.

Jason Russell of Invisible Children:
I put pressure on Obama to catch Kony in 2012 and instead I was attacked by his ancestral spirits from Nyang’oma Kogelo, Siaya District. I am not messing with him again. Rommney oye.

Lady Gaga, a thing.

Lady Gaga
I am not eligible to vote. Human beings only.

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  • Leah

    I have Ugandan genes, so I can vote for Obama three times in four different polling stations. Then if Rommney brings some salt and soap to my house, he can get a couple of votes for me, too. That’s the winner