Hi good and sexy people. You’ve been drawn here by the pheromones excreted from Andominus, our internet spider that went underwater and knows how to draw people to websites. We asked it to go extra hard with the pheromones so that Sevo would come and read this message we took time off our laid-back schedules to write.
(Uganda National anthem playing)
Thanks for the public holiday on Monday. Of all the things you’ve brought to Ug. That hat. The slow drawl. The drool. The verses. All those things. They are the fungus growing at the bottom of a festering wound on the right ball of a decomposing Marabou stork caucus compared to the public holiday on Monday. Thank you very very much. We will forever be in your debt. Or not. But thanks anyway. We are also particularly thankful that your Government is bringing us Konshens. Blo blo bloo!
(National anthem fades into the background, Do Sumn’ starts playing)
If your boss spends his days hunting lions and is not Konshius of the fact that Monday is a public holiday, below are a few legitimate reasons you can give for not being able to make it to work on Monday:
Thank you Sleek. Hello viewers, this is Baz, with the list of reasons.
1: You were afraid that 4GC (Forge God Country) were going to be in town demonstrating. You know those things. Your boss is aware of the fact that his employees are no good to him high on teargas.
2: You found out that your great-grandfather was one of the colonialists and so the day before Independence is now a day of mourning in your family.
3: Jennifer Musisi demolished the road from your house #wetland
4: Morning sickness. (Due to getting pregnant at Konshens.
5: Morning sickness (due to getting pregnant at Jazz Safari, but that one is worse because it is much harder to have public conception at the jazz concert)
6: You were there. The boss didn’t see you? Even your coat was there on the chair. Your computer was even on the whole day.
8: You cut work out of patriotism. You and Kiprotich are the real Ugandans.
9: You found a crested crane which had been knocked by a car and you had to rescue it and nurse it back to life and look after it and see what they taste like– JUST KIDDING! Don’t eat the national bird, guys.