First of all we would like to welcome everybody back to the Hostel. We are glad you could make it to the new semester and it is our sincere hope that everybody works hard, focuses on success and we hope everybody learns to get along and that we find a way to put aside our differences and learn to live together in … WAPI! We hope that we have more fights, more kavuyo, more bitchy backstabbing and snaking and foxing and all sorts of mayhem. In fact we hope that we see that kung fu guy from Captain Alex making a cameo this season.
In case you still haven’t figured out that the Hostel, Uganda’s greatest freaking TV show ever since CRT and Plasma Screens every saw your eyes and said “watch this” is back.
Some of us have watched the first few episodes on you.
Annete is back: Last season she was abruptly whisked away. The explanation was flimsy. We thought she had been fired. Well, looks like someone renegotiated her contract.
Twine is not back: That nigga gone. The story is that his character was abducted by hooligans at the behest of Martha, who in that one move, became the evilest heifer in New Edge, beating out both Patra and Jesca in one stroke.
Martha is not back: Which sucks. She was cute. Maybe the Hostel wardrobe department could not afford to keep buying wigs at her rate.
Everybody wears a weave/wig this season: Last night we did a headcount (heh heh. Geddit? Headcount) and found that this was true. Even the extras. They can surely afford to bring Wiggy Smalls back. They have the budget.
Arach is back: And she is now Odoch woman. Not Odoch’s woman. Odoch woman.
Hope is (gasp!) with child!: She is so small, how did a pregnancy fit inside her? But there it is, the mystery of the season. Not as in who the father is or how anyone got sister Hope to give it up, but, well, the mystery is how you can be in a hostel with people and they fail to notice that your uterus is bulging a whole foot forward all the time and make the obvious conclusion.
McConnor is back: And so is the Mohawk.
Odoch is funny: Heh heh.
Now you are up to speed, let us talk about what we expect to see this season:
Violence: Annete has already slapped a guy, but we want more. We hope some kung fu, Muay thai, iron fist shit. Or grenades.
Sex scene: I know the makers of the show don’t want to be seen to be promoting immoral behavior, but then there is an easy way around this—just claim that you are showing the immoral behavior so that society can be warned of the dangers. That’s what I always do.
Martha’s hair: We are dying to know!
A classroom: Nah. Really, if these kids flunk everything and retake everything it doesn’t even matter.