It is the year 2062, my name is UGcitizen 4599. And this is my story.
I am a character in a graphic novel, living in the dark sprawling metropolis called Kampala, capital city and crime centre of the Central and East African Republic. I wear a huge hoodie that (hopefully) makes me look like a giant cobra when seen from the right angel at the right distance in the factory smog after a power-cut. Apart from the hoodie I have lots of tattoos and know Muay Thai.
And I talk to the rain.
Life in Kampala in 2062 is hard. Harder than Mogadishu in the 00s. Times in the Uganda Province have always been hard, but not as hard as they have been since the ill fated morning of October 9th 2012, when the Great Mama Finna’s curse on the NRM government came to pass and the whole country suffered a power and media blackout. In 50 years, Uganda has not known flat irons, chargers, Playstations, smartphones, Facebook, Twitter and worst of has had no UrbanLegendKampala.com.
Standing at the site of the former City Square, I look up at the towering statue that Mama Fina forced thousands of Ugandans to build with their bare hands as penance for daring to look at her naked pictures in a local tabloid.
Standing under the massive thighs and breasts looking up at her grim and foreboding face while the lightning flashes and the angry hail rips and slashes, I find myself feeling vague stirrings of lust.
I refuse to be ashamed.
Striding through the pages of this graphic novel into the Kololo-Nakasero Slum District, I see two small cold eyed children holding old fashioned sawed off shotguns and wearing the insignia of her Imperial Blackness, the ruling Matriarch of Kampala, Shanita Namuyimba.
Closely after the country was plunged into darkness in 2012, Shanita broke out of Luzira Maximum Prison and together with the most dangerous inmates she could gather, started a new government under an Anti-Coherency, Pro-Ratchedness philosophy of governance called Badiocracy.
The Toto BlackGuards see me and see nothing but a face in the crowd, a nobody. They do not know that beneath this hoodie is one of the faces they have been ordered to hunt down.
In February 2013, a secret meeting was held in a barber’s kiosk on a small muddy path in the area that was then called Kamwokya (you may now know it as Area K23). It was a meeting between the two powers that really ruled the City in those days.
The first was the Ghetto President; His Excellency Bobi Wine, the Troubadour of the People.
The Second was the Executive Director of Kampala; Her Ladyship Jeniffer Musisi, the Ruthless Agent of Progress.
Together they buried their differences and forged a coalition against the spreading evil of Badism. Together they formed…
It is 2062, 100 years after Independence and this Graphic Novel might even have a happy ending.
Only 2112 will tell.