You, young reader, often wonder how we got our independence without hurling boulders, screaming ourselves hoarse, frothing at the mouth and flashing genitals at the British.

A Ugandan fighting for independence. NAT!!

Granddaddy Sleek was there. And he has the telegrams that brought about our independence. Telegrams, young reader, are like tweets. So it is safe to say that tweets won us our independence. It is with great pain in my lower back that I finally bow to pressure and share these telegrams. Ok only two of them are   telegrams and the rest is hate mail.

21 JULY 1960

TO SIR WALTER COUTTS

HOUSE MU CORNER, NEAR MULAGO

I HATE BUSHES SO I DON’T BEAT ABOUT THEM -(STOP)-GET OUT OF BUGANDA -(STOP)-GO AWAY FROM UGANDA -(STOP)-MUST RULE IT WITHOUT YOU -(STOP)-GO AWAY FOR REAL -(STOP)-NO LOL-(STOP)-

FROM EDWARD FREDERICK WILLIAM DAVID WALUGEMBE MUTEBI LUWANGULA MUTESA

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01 SEPTEMBER 1960

TO SIR WALTER COURTS

KOLOLO UPPER TERRACE, NEAR KIREKA

JUST INFORMING YOU OF OUR INTENTION TO F#@K YOU UP -(STOP)-BE WISE AND LEAVE-(STOP)-A MORE FORMAL COMMUNICATION WILL COME FROM THE FISTS OF MY MUSCLED FRIENDS-(STOP)-ME I WRITE THE TELEGRAMS-(STOP)-                                                                                    FROM BENEDICTO KIWANUKA

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From: Sir Apollo Milton Obote

To: Sir Walter Courtz

Date: 15^th November, 1960

Walter, do not falter, at the alter, that we call Uganda-lter. My name is Milton. My friends call me Milton. You might know me as the dark guy who carries a pimp stick around. The same guy with a line in his hair. Yeah, that’s me. I’d put a photo here but that’s not been invented yet. All I am trying to say is, one Sir to another, leave now my nigger. We shall drown your cat. And its kittens. And then draw pictures of that same damn cat of yours and drown them too.

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 From: Those ends of Bunyoro kingdom

To: Whomsoever it may concern

Date: 27^th February, 1961

Dear man,

Please leave the sit for us also. You have eaten our country’s things for much years. Go away now now tomorrow or else I will send spirits to do bad manners to you when you are there sleeping. You took our counties. You will pe

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From: DJ Mukajanga

To: Wally

Date: 01^st May, 1961

Mu Lord, why don’t you go back to your country where your friends they are there? Why? You go also you. Leave our country quick like a cheetah

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