Monday Massacres: I Goat The Power

By • Sep 3rd, 2012 • Category: Events, Monday Massacres

So you are one of those sexy, sexy people who spent the weekend watching goats sweat it out for the accolade of sturdiest, fastest goat in the world. For you, dear reader, who wasn’t part of all the goat race fun, no worries, I goat this Meh.n. Ok I don’t got this. I didn’t go either. But here are a few things to ponder from the goat race.

How do you get your goat that’s going to compete to the venue?

Do you strap it in the passenger seat next to you and drive to the race?

OR Do you throw it in the backseat? (The same backseat your first born was conceived?)

OR Do you throw it in the boot? (Won’t this dampen its spirit and get in the way of it putting up a resounding performance? Goats have self-esteem too you know. I think)

If you strap it into the passenger seat next to you, what are good topics of conversation? Scratch that, more importantly, how do you stop it from shitting all-over the place?

Do the goats stretch before a race? Like little back and forth warm-up stuffs. Like the goat-equivalent of press-ups

Does it help if your goat is from Kenya? Or Kapchorwa? Do goats from the hills perform better?

Since goats are vegetarian and all, are there any rules against feeding your goat marijuana before a race?

I no eat reefer. Swear

Are there drug tests? Like do they prick the goats to find out which of them is a prick?

As the goat approaches the finish line, does it stick out its head to ensure victory?

Is there a current world record holder for goats 100m? (Or whatever distance they hoof).

How does the winning goat celebrate?

More so, the goat that comes in last (or the one that wanders off the track and sniffs at people’s privates), is it served at dinner? Or is it sent to Abdu Jabal for whole goat?

Goat Milk

Goat Milk?

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  • Fif

    Hilarious!!! “i goat the power” and “that wasnt grass..” #DEAD#