As you know, American former R&B star Sisquo (better known as Sisqo) performed over the weekend in Kampala to a small handful of fans in what was only the latest in on ongoing string of concert flops featuring imported musicians.
Judy Boucher also flopped, even though people went there. It flopped because she sucks, period. Just allow. I am not prepared to be reasonable about this.
Anyway, if Judy Boucher fans will forgive me for that jab at their celeb and continue reading, let us proceed with the issue.
The Demarco and Wayne Wonder was attended by only the relatives of the curtain raisers, Sisquo came along a and sang to the staff of the sponsoring company and we think this might be hampering our national Balance of payments (I didn’t really understand that part of Econ in s5. I think it has something to do with imports) so maybe we should look at innovations, ways of doing business in a different way; in short, ways of having concerts that don’t flop so damn much.
1. Stop trying to sell us music we already heard and got sick of. Not all old music is good, man. Some oldies are timeless, and some old songs are played out. But if you are going to bring people who fell off a decade ago because the audience had had enough and was tired of them and didn’t want to listen to them any more, then don’t try to sell the music. Sell the sight of their aged, wrinkling, flabby asses. Like if you decide to bring Kris Kross I am sure people will be interested in finding out how they will jump yet they probably have arthritis now.
2. And when we say sell we don’t mean sell. Don’t charge us for entrance, give us free tickets. Much as I would like to see what Donnel Jones looks like with a kiwalata and a pot belly, I am not going to pay for it. I might go if I find a free ticket when I lift the top off my soda. I might go if I am the fifth caller. I might go if I get a ticket along with every purchase above 45k at my favourite café or supermarket. I might go if a campaigning politician gives us freebies for votes. But I won’t pay for a ticket, sorry.
3. Not even five k.
4. And don’t argue nti the cost of bringing these guys is so high that you have to charge commensurately high ticket prices. Come on. How much could Sisquo possibly cost? If Denise Halaberg of Dayton, Ohio could hire him for her bachelorette party, surely. I mean, she found him working as a data entry supervisor at her local bank and recognized him then asked him if he still has his six-pack. When he said yes, she said she could not find a stripper for her party and would he be available. It was 400 bucks for an hour.
5. Bring chicks. Why don’t you guys ever have shows with babes? I am sure Mokenstef would appreciate the plane ticket and the chance to travel out of the projects for a weekend.
6. But if you bring En Vogue, I swear all the trash I have been talking will fly out of the window. I will pay. VIP tickets. In the rain. At Serena. With a dress code. Cos I love those women!