Notes From An Idle Mind | Kakati Mr. President, on this Kiprotich fellow…

By • Aug 15th, 2012 • Category: Notes From An Idle Mind

Dear Mr. President,

How’s it going? Now, I know you’re a busy man, so I won’t waste your time. I don’t know whether you heard, but Uganda got a Gold Medal. No, no, it wasn’t for corruption or alcohol consumption {which is a shame really, nga we have tried}, but rather because we had a guy pull a runner and win.

People have said he was our final hope, Mr. President, but that’s a lie. Until the guy crossed the finish line, we didn’t know the chap, now we have all started to tie on him. It’s expected and between you and I, you also know you will have to tie on him when he gets back. Shake hands, offer him a house, basically the routine of champions.

I know when he saw the word ‘house’ in the last paragraph; Rt. Col. Kizza B must have started drooling because he thought about state house. When will he learn- no matter how much he runs, he will never win. Actually, that’s why I’m writing this, your Excellency.

At this juncture, Kiprotich poses a major threat to you. He is quite possibly the one Ugandan the international committee has placed their money on to beat you. The whole world watched him run and win, it would be weird if you were to race and he lost, you get?

Fear not sire, there’s a loophole. It would appear that this sort of thing happens every 40 years, so you should be okay… for now.

So here’s what I suggest, let’s pour money into this son of man until he loses sight of what’s up. I won’t even go into how this works wonders for your credibility as the only one with vision.

Now here’s the plan.

Let’s set this guy up. Everyone’s going to expect all these campusers to line up and say they had a thing with Kiprotich, some may even say they’ve seen Kipro’s ‘tich’… if you know what I mean.  Now, let’s throw a curve ball {so sorry for using the word ball so soon after the last statement, but…} in there.

Soon as the pepper is done reporting on his sex secrets, we place a story in there that suggests that Bad Black has changed her story and that Kip is her baby daddy and not David Green. It’s going to be sensational. From Visa Seeker to Gold Digger!

It goes without saying it may even help our suffering tourism industry. Perhaps we could have a chat with Dave and convince him to issue a statement endorsing our ladies.

“I’d like to assure the international community that the indigenous ladies are not all the same. Ladies of African origin are all different and many of them are pretty awesome. I just had the misfortune of dating a Bad Black…”

BUT, the lady just had a kid and there’ll likely be some public outcry. Let’s leave Black alone.

There’s the KIra V Mr. President. I know you sat in one and thought, “this shit cray” and I agree with you. It is. So let’s just ditch the whole project and focus on powering Kiprotich.

There really is no place for electric cars at the moment, what with us having oil and all. In any case Kiprotich runs better, not to mention faster, than that green thing.

Actually, if we invested in more prisons officers, we’d get them to run faster AND then we’d ride them to work instead!



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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers