The man has won Uganda’s first Olympic gold medal since 1972. The man is making headlines all over the place. No, he hasn’t broken a record. He’s not a violent man. He has simply outrun the record.
Which makes it just the right time to start using sentences like, “Oh, Kiprotich? He’s my O.B from O-level. He actually once borrowed one of my spoons. True story.”
Or even better, it’s just the right time to be suspicious that he could actually be your brother. We’re giving you a chance to do a quick DNA test to ascertain if it’s really true or just a rumour you heard from yourself.
Please answer the questions below.
Can you catch a bullet?
- I saw Neo doing it in Matrix.
- Does dying after catching it count?
- Yes I can. Obama taught me to just say things.
- First show me.
Can you run faster than a car?
- There was this one time during traffic jam…
- I don’t have a car.
- I think I can. I’ll never try it because it’s dangerous but I think I can.
- Like what model?
Have you ever won a running competition?
- Why would I run?
- I won a competition and ran away before they realized that I had cheated.
- Yes. I once ran for Compound Prefect in school.
- On a PlayStation or X-Box?
Who is the fastest runner in the world?
- Hussein Bolt. Or is it Hassan Bolt? I keep seeing his name on Twitter. Is he also from Uganda?
- Our neighbour’s dog. That thing can run!
- Stephen Kiprotich, of course. Even if haters are going to say I’m lying.
- Bebe Cool?
What event did Stephen Kiprotich win?
- A gold medal.
- He won the Olympics.
- The men’s Olympic marathon. How can you not know this? And you say you’re Ugandan. Mssssscccchhhhhhheeeeeewwwwww!!!
- First wait and I google. Let me seeeeeeeee… Eh! Kim Kardashian has uploaded a new picture on Facebook.
If most of your answers were option three, you’re definitely Kiprotich’s sibling.
PS: If police asks you to call us to verify results of this DNA test, we shall be sick and out of the country for treatment.