Notes From An Idle Mind | The Thing About Ebola

By • Aug 1st, 2012 • Category: Notes From An Idle Mind

The newsies have jumped onto this Ebola thing like a slut pursuing a visa and we can not fault them. Ebola is something of a big deal, it kills, has no known cure and generally doesn’t play fair. The president has also revealed that it’s sexually transmitted, so we can only assume that the guys behind the sexual network ad must be patting themselves on their collective back for their foresight.

“Hey have you read this? Mother of God, we can rework that ad and instead say I’m the man you’ve been coughing with…How do you see?”

The president’s revelation is going to work wonders in the fight against HIV given that previously you’d go with face value when someone looked you in the eye and said, “trust me… would a person with a dolphin tattoo knowingly give you herpes?” Right now there’s a larger parameter to work with… Sneeze and you won’t get laid, have a sweaty palm and you won’t get shit. When you think about it, it’s easier to skip washing your hands to be honest.

Anyone going on a diet can’t elicit the awe they rightfully deserve, because, really, we are all, every one of us, being forced to watch what we eat. Pigs have never been accused of being the most hygienic animals around, {Pig; oooooh, stuff with worms in it, I want! Nomnomnom… hang on, it’s coming back *puke*… oooooh, puke, I want!!}, but right now nothing is safe. Even water! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a shit about water, worrez or whatever you want to call it, but it’s a sad day when even that can’t be trusted. Mealtime’s going to change forever…

“-Mummy, what’s for supper?

-Paper”

There’s talk that the disease has been contained, but it’s a tad too late. Half the country {well, the sensible lot anyway} has been converted to blithering idiots with OCD. It’s all wipe hands every single time… or if we took what the president said seriously, wipe penis and whatever you do, do not ejaculate! It’s switched over from “Sorry babe, I need to withdraw, I don’t want to make you have to endure 9 months and the horrible ordeal of having to push…” to basically, pulling out at that moment and when she looks at you like she’s about to snap your er, neck, you give her that puppy dog look and say, “… but baby…Ebola!”

On the plus side, I can finally avoid chaps that insist on holding hands as we speak. No offence guys, but that stuff is pretty unnerving. Even sugar daddies don’t do that to the girls they wait for outside hostels.

“-I want a car.

– Here, place your hand in my sweaty palm first and we see…

– I die!

– Funny you should mention that ”

Stay safe folks, don’t sweat the petty stuff & don’t pet the sweaty stuff

 

addendum;

We are guilty of many things; soliciting smiles, worming our ways into your funny bones etc, but let it not be suggested that we take this issue lightly. Our thoughts and prayers are with those in suffering and we hope that after all is said and done we all come out of this stronger.

 

 

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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers