How To Survive This Fuel Shortage

By • Jul 13th, 2012 • Category: WTH
By Tom “Tommyknocker” Rwahwire

 

 

The key is to stop feeling like a sheikh yet you are just a petty boirgeoise nigga in a lower income nation where a quarter of you live in abject poverty. You have to adjust your spending patterns, man.
Now walking around to work won’t help. It just increases the sausage. And the fuel shortage does not affect police vans.

First do some arithmetic.

A litre is going at four five.
A beer is four k at those posh places you like. First chill such joints. A safi and a satchet will get you sorted for the night at a mere one k. This will enable you to still afford transi to work the next day, even though you will have a mean ghetto hangover and your breath will be so acrid no one will argue with you when you try to explain. They will just agree to whatever you say so you can shut the fuck up.

Ditch the bu campus chicks. Those babes who show up for dates with five buddies, each of whom expects a lift home to Najjanankumbi, Seeta and Kyebando. First of all she has no plans of unleashing. Secondly fuel is four five a litre and you are going where? Najjanawhat? At freaking four five a litre?
Style up and date a corporate chick, one of those who feel insulted when you try to pay for everything.  If she is a lawyer or a marketing excec she might even be the one housing you. Marketing people have dime. If your ego complains tell it to google “post-modern feminism and the age of emancipation” and shut up.
You can take your teeth back to hostels when Opec has lowered prices back to 3500.

Do you really need DSTV? Kyle is on an all-expenses vacation. He doesn’t care that you are using your fuel money to pay to watch him force an accent while scratching his balls for the camera. Instead of renewing your subscription this month, just tell your neighbour on the left that the neighbour on the right is screwing his housegirl CNN. Then put your sofa on the veranda. There. Drama of upville vs downville right there in the compound live in 3D full stereo.

Airtime puhleese. You spent too much money on an android smartphone to go and scratch cards. Just inbox instead of calling. Facebook zero is not there in Dubai. It is only here where fuel is at four five that we get free facebook.

If you follow all these tips you will find that you have at least 150k to spare in your budget. You can then put that in your car. You have just recieved brilliant financial advice from me. You’re welcome.

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