Last week, two members of the ULK rock band advanced in age. Wait, do rock stars grow rockier? In which case, we can say that they grew harder. In which case, the pervs would be giggling. Maureen, the one who taught you how to love a broke-ass man, grew harder. Then Amos, the sinewy, fire-breathing ninja who handles ULK’s money things and makes sure that the money we owe the Japanese mafia is paid on time, him he grew older. Yay them. Yay us. Yay!
Onto the subject of today’s massacre…no, we won’t touch the fact that David Greenhalgh, the guy behind the Bad Black case, is now being accused of having been behind her too much. But David…you scum!
Speaking of matters under covers, today’s massacre is about helping you catch people sleeping at work. The ones who nod off at their desks. We did some research into the different kinds of people who sleep at work after lunch. See here:
The propper mama
She uses her arm to prop her head then she doses off. She masks her absence by occasionally muttering stuff in her sleep. The professional propper mama will dot her sleep with sometimes coherent phrases like:
“Pass me the Simsim balls, Aida”
“But Michael, don’t touch there!…touch here!”
The spectacle testacle
He uses his spectacles to hide the fact that he is sleeping. The seasoned spectacle testacle, or specky as his friends (some male) affectionately call him, will adjust his spects, pretend to stare intently at the Pamela Anderson squirty show on YouBoob, and then dose off.
This one tries to chat up everyone in an attempt to stay awake. When they succeed in staying awake, you will be filled in on all kinds of things you’d rather not know. Like how many pairs of socks they used to strangle a rat that morning. If they don’t succeed however, you will be fed the most uncoordinated stuff you’ve listened to since you last tuned into on a parliamentary debate.
Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be able to walk into any office and immediately see which people are asleep. At work. Go catch the shameless bastards sleeping together at work