Good evening viewers and welcome to the Friday Fries, your weekly news roundup. I am Ernest Bazanye and I am also Erique Mununuzi. Leggo with the news
Soap Factory Dropped
In closing news, KCCA closed Mukwano soap factory because Lord Mayor Erias Ghetto Lukwago was smelling. “The factory wasn’t doing its job properly. We had to close it down. The man smells like porokoto,” said an angry KCCA worker. “Why do you think we never let him have meetings with normal people?” The factory will be reopened after the Ghetto Mayor takes a bath.
Gov’t Plans to Prosecute Chap
In planning news, government plans to prosecute captured LRA rebel Acellam. “Yeah. We do. I know you want a comment of some sort from us so this should do. Pretty much. What more did you want anyway?” Government added that they plan to keep planning to prosecute Acellam until they run out of plans.
Rolex scam uncovered.
In crack news, a Ministry of Health crack team of undercover agents has rumbled a scam in which rolexes sold to unsuspecting customers in Kajjansi are actually frauds.
A sting operation codenamed Avengers Two led by special agent Frederick Sekatawa found that all the rolas sold in the area were actually made from marabou stork eggs.
Speaking on condition of anonymity after the attempted arrest of the rolex makers and while counting his bribe money Sekatawa, 43, resident of Namuwongo Zone B, hailing from Kibekibi village in Masaka district said the criminals resorted to stork eggs after local chickens, fearing population explosion, joined Genext and stopped producing enough eggs.
Rabble-Rouser/Freedom Fighter Tired of Jungu Restaurants.
In food news NRM government pain in the ass Dr Kizza “No Pizza” Besigye continues with his latest crusade which takes the form of lunching in crowded market places filled with disgruntled lower-income earners who can be incited to riot with ease.
Besigye, however, assured reporters that he was not trying to incite the public, but was just tired of what he called “bazungu restaurants” such as Bon Apetit and I Feel Like Chicken Tonight and therefore had no option but to lunch in Nakasero market.
“At home there is no one to cook,” Besigye told reporters in gas masks. “Anselm is in school, Winnie is in outside countries. . . And the guys who make rolex in Kajjansi where my office is, the eggs taste funny.”