Monday Massacres: Let’s Rock This Town

By • May 14th, 2012 • Category: Featured Post, Monday Massacres

Ever since Rachel K ceremoniously left the country last year, the music industry hasn’t been the same. The days of verve, pluck, chutzpah and all those things that Clever J, her replacement, has still failed to drum-up are long gone. The lady was a minty breath of fresh air to the Ug Music industry. Her hair alone inspired Rihanna to change her hair style.

With K gone, now rocking the stars out of the spangled banner, we now have a huge Rock ‘n Roll vacuum. We are like followers without a leader. A goat without weed.s. Spiderman without goo in his palms. Ironman without money. What shall we do? Who will saveth uth? From whence shallst thee rocken musicken cometh?

Rachel K

We are here missing you K

What shall we listen to when we are heart-broken and hoping to listen to people who have it worse than us? What do we do when we feel the urge to listen to strained male vocals? Where do we turn when we want loud, angry, burn-the-house-down instrumentals?

Thank God for ULK. Always anticipating a problem and stepping in to save you. Like that time we warned you about the alien invasion that would lead to some ministers getting anal probes. The strain on their faces when they talk on TV now says it all. But we aren’t the ‘WE TOLD YOU SO!!” type. So now, Rock  ‘n Roll vacuum…rather than turn our eyes to Rocky giant, we know that there is no better rockstarrr out there than you…ULK fan. Reader. Enthusiast. Very Intelligent life form. High IQ. Avenger. Superrrstarr. Sexy being. Posterchild of living good good.

Rocky Giant

Rocky GIANT. Rock savior. Naloo!

We are forming a Rock band that’s going to rock the foundation of potholes that this city was built on. The band will make music that will get marabou storks to bob their beaks so hard, they’ll get dizzy and stop shitting on people. The band will rock so hard, boredom will have to masturbate to keep itself occupied. The band will be so fly, the G6 will file for unfair competition. Join the band….be a rockstarrr. Hit the button below.

Those terms and conditions that other companies print in very small letters that you cannot see. Even us our terms and conditions are like that. Look awayyy nigger.

1. Like the emperor’s new clothes, you won’t see the rockband button if you aren’t logged into Facebook. Do it now. And then hit the button. Hard. Rocckit.

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