Legends Erique and Ernest bring you a legendary sum-up of what’s happened this week. Burndemtwotime!
In shocked news, the international community was shocked this week when it was revealed that a pair of foreigners had been caught moving illegally through the Zimbabwe border. What stunned officials was that these guys were trying to get in.
The United Nations Mental Health Association was called in when it was further revealed that the foreigners were Ugandans. A spokesperson from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs hahad the guys, saying, “Kale you come from a country where you riot when sugar reaches five k and then you try to sneak into Zimbabwe? Not serious.”
In awesome news, last weekend all the cinemas in the world except America, which, for once, doesn’t count, were full to the brim of people watching the first truly awesome movie of the year.
This film, Avengers, also known as Avengers Assemble, and also known as Iron Man 3 is currently the number one movie worldwide.
The plot centres around an alien from another planet (Britain from the sound of his accent) who tries to take over the world (New York).
It also features a romantic subplot which is the tender love story between the audience and Scarlett Johannson.
In waging news, perennially feuding musicians Moses Ssali and Robert Kyagulanyi Sentamu are billed to wage war this weekend to determine which of the two is supreme. This is not, as you would expect, some bloody to-the-death kumite type shit. They are just going to go and one sings here and the other sings there then they go home.
When asked for a comment, most of us pointed at the empty sky and said, “Look at all the fu&c*ks I give.”
In declaring news, Ex-Former Current Rubaga North NRM MP Singh Songs Katongole was excited by the news that his rival Moses Kasibante was finally declared the real MP for the constituency after the two were embroiled in a constant battle for the same seat.
“I’m very happy that the moment every NRM member longs for has finally arrived,” said a smiling Singh. “An opposition win is an NRM win. We’re like brothers. So when he wins, I become the MP. I’m really glad that he fought for me. A true friend.”
“I send shouts-out to my mother and father in the village, my uncle who’s at work and my friends tuning in right now from India.”
In performing news, foreign artistes who normally come to Uganda to perform at concerts have switched tactics. Now top selling Nigerian duo P-Square is coming to sue one of these unknown Ugandan artistes you wouldn’t care about even if we gave you the name over copyright infringement.
Tickets to the suing show will go for 30,000 shillings, and then 50,000 shillings for the family show at Serena. “We shall be featuring big artistes like Patrick & Sons Legal Advocates, Justice Proscovia Taliiyo and many others,” said the duo.
In beef news, Bobi Wine and Bebe Cool have been strongly advised to change diets after they started developing signs of acute brain failure, a fatal disease that comes from having too much beef.
“They probably can’t survive on any other food but still,” complained their doctor who rushed them to studio for treatment. “I think Bobi Wine gave up weed and started getting high on his own name and Bebe thought it wasn’t Cool. So they started getting high on beef.”
TGIF ULK style!