SCORCHING: A Hot Chick Disorganises An Office

By • Apr 27th, 2012 • Category: Columns, Newsworthy

A certain lady walked into an office this morning. She was fly as tsetse, dope as coke and hot as TV chicken with swagg.

Needless to say, the overall effect was cataclysmic.

See this office had been contriving somehow to get by without interruption. Every day the mindless lifeless inmates of this air conditioned, whitewashed decor-of-an-aspirin-tablet prison put life on hold in the morning and picked up where they had left off in the evening. The space in the middle was spent with well fattened thoughts designed to support the illusion that their careers somehow defined them, listening to audio self help books, and reinforcing the relationship between their gums and their boss’s ass whenever the opportunity presented itself.

It’s called being a team player bitch!

But when the aforementioned chick (let us call her Gloria. It is the kind of name that makes you picture angels wafting down on golden clouds while a choir of nuns sings on the OST)

When Gloria walked in, the office came to a standstill. Our sources tell us that Freddie, the cleaning guy was so struck by her perfect face and exquisite body, that he developed an accent. Freddie doesn’t even know English.

“Chill Freddie gwe! (This is Gerry, our source) the whole office was paralyzed man. Guys were running around high fiving for no reason, pretending to print stuff that didn’t want to be printed … it was worse than high school. “

However, after her departure, the euphoria quickly wore off and a palpable sense of despair and doom settled over the office as people were forced to re-think their lives and priorities. Our source reported that the MD spent three hours staring at the picture of his wife and kids that sat on his desk, overwhelmed with unnamable regrets. The smart young executive sat at his desk, stunned and in utter confusion, wondering what on earth he was doing wasting his life chasing this corporate dream. The savedee chick at reception resolved to read even more psalms, a valiant endeavor to come to terms with the realization that goodness didn’t necessarily make her attractive; while the office fattie stayed in the bathroom and severely contemplated gnawing at her wrists till she bled to death.

The original purpose for Gloria’s coming to the office was never determined.

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