Legends Erique and Ernest bring you a legendary sum-up of what’s happened this week. Booyakabooyaka!
In limited news, this week parliament set out to reinstall presidential term limits to the constitution in what analysts saw as a measure to curb President Museveni’s chances of ruling us forever. However, an insider revealed the true motive for the push in an exclusive interview with ULK.
“If AFC succeeds in their goal of triggering off Tahir Square-type demonstrations, and they successfully force Museveni out of office, we don’t want a situation where President Besigye can rule and rule and rule and never get off.”
In champion news, the best Ludo player in Kireka was crowned champion at the end of a grueling four hour match. Nigel Nassar, speaking after his moment of triumph, told reporters he was ready to take on the national championship and then move on to seek the world championship. No one had the heart to tell him that there is no world championship for Ludo.
In distracting news, President Museveni says that talk about presidential term limits distracts him. “You find that I can’t work properly because of the noise coming from parliament,” the poor thing said and urged the MPs involved to talk about term limits only while he’s asleep.
In broke news, Makerere University Business School (MUBS) broke away from Makerere University to start its own discotheque and strippers club after a bloody fight that led to the fracturing of their name and a few other limbs. They are now called Metropolitan Universal Business Strippers but doctors are hopeful that the name will attain full recovery soon.
In breast news, Uganda’s Prime Minister Amama Mbabazi apologised to the nation for the unpatriotic way police politically fondled the Ingrid boob last week. The Ingrid boob is considered one of Uganda’s most respected emblems, which represents Uganda’s femininity. It’s supposed to be stroked softly in a bedroom.
In successful news, President Museveni was forced to hint at a successor in case he lost life elections. The president said Vice President Edward Ssekandi would succeed him and surprisingly closed his speech without naming anyone.
And finally in ninja news, ULK ninjas will be raiding 97FM RadioCity studios tomorrow (Saturday) from 10pm till cobwebs grow on the night to recover the ninja costumes that were stolen by Mister Deejay and RadioCity’s management.
The government calls upon every responsible Ugandan citizen to tune in for a live broadcast of the public execution of the airwaves.