Jehoshaphat (not real name), a boda boda rider got bitch slapped today.
It was not a pretty sight.
I did not see it, because I came a little later, but a fellow boda boda rider, one Matovu (not real name) was on the scene and saw the whole thing. By the time I left he was still retelling the incident with great relish to the unsuspecting passer-bys…
Passers by… yeah I think that is it.
At any rate, this is how Matovu told it.
“Man, the lady was just there walking quiet, quiet, QUIET!! Then Jeho came skidding, skidding, SKIDDING!! I realized, AH! This is an accident!! Then bah!!! Kumanyoko! (maybe that is not entirely how he told it. but I am big headed so there is a lot of space for things to go wrong between the moment I hear something and the point at which my brain interprets it)
It appears that Jehoshaphat the boda boda rider, being a reckless so and so, took a corner at an absurd speed. A conspiracy between the slick road, a pothole, his untreaded tires and randomness resulted in Jehoshaphat losing control, falling with his bike and sliding with it for several metres, eventually slamming into a certain lady, quiet of demeanor but violent of slap.
Many came to help but stopped to laugh as the quiet lady uncorked her arm and slapped several assortments of sense into Jehoshaphat face. From the way Matovu told it, Jehoshaphat twin brother who does kyeyo in Malaysia felt those slaps. And he is even in a different time zone.
The slap is a well known tool in every women’s arsenal. It rubs shoulders with the guilt trip, the silent treatment (aka the inverse queef), no sex, and other bewildering but strangely powerful weapons. However while the majority are used against individuals against whom the female in question may have an actual relationship, the slap does not really discriminate. Women will slap anything.
Standing by the roadside watching Johesophat nurse his red- hot face, I had to wonder, where exactly do the ladies learn these things? I mean, as kids you would have the occasional older boy showing you how to throw a punch or how to tackle someone. Even to this day there are numerous places men go to learn how to do combat. (The army, dojos, youtube etc) but women never have formal training and yet…
Is it instinct? Maybe it’s instinct.
As I left to go to work and do my bit to build the nation in general, Jehoshaphat was still nursing a red hot face and picking up his motorbike and and pieces of his dignity. I am pretty sure by the time today ends he will have new treads on those tires.
The lady was nowhere to be seen.